CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
1400th Entry! The Best of the Past 100!

Friday, October 16, 2009

this entry brought to you by rage against the machine, "bulls on parade"


This marks the 1400th entry on my blog. Not too many reviews, not that many skits, but I am happy that I was able to write humor posts that didn't just rely on The Onion's "fake news headline" format, which makes me happy. Variety is the spice of life. And I even got back into doing funny captions! That should be a regular thing on the page from now on, because it's so much fun. In terms of serious posts, almost everything was about politics (which is typical), but really, with the way the past 6 months in politics have been, that seems like an inevitability. As always, here is a link to the best of the previous 100 entries, which makes for easy browsing if you're new to the site.


FUNNY/RANDOM

One thing comic book geeks will say, when reconstructing comic books, is that a major plot hole in Batman is that in real life, Bruce Wayne would just go see a psychiatrist, and boom, there'd be no Batman. My counter-argument is that Bruce Wayne is very aware of this, and therefore absolutely refuses to see any psychiatrists.

Further up the road from where I live, there were literally two Wal-marts within two miles of one another. One of them is much bigger than the other. One of them was forced to close recently, and guess which one of them it was. How are Wal-Marts supposed to stay open with all this competition from other Wal-Marts?

The only funny entry that's a straight forward anecdote non-conceptual entry that made it into my best of the past 100, and it has to do with how embarrassing it is when there's a little naked girl in your house and she does not belong to you.

To be completely honest, I have no idea where the idea came to me, but the original headline was CONGRESSMAN WARNS VIDEO GAME VIOLENCE LEADS TO REAL-LIFE MURDER OF ALIENS, which I changed because it gives away the joke too soon. I love it because it is absolutely absurd, but also, if you think about it, it is really good satire about how Congressmen waste a lot of time with frivolous bills, and also how we are so worried about things that are meaningless-- but that's all accidental. The point really was how absurd it is. My favorite line is "Deliciously full of potential".

Leftist social commentary and comedy! Together in one! Some people are glad Obama hasn't gotten rid of Bush's illegal wiretapping programs. Of course, those people are insane.

If you ever see The Batmobile for sale on Craigslist, totally jump on that opportunity. You don't want to miss out; it's the Batmobile.

Do you watch PBS Kids at all? If you do, then you probably have wondered what the hell is up with Caillou, how the hell Clifford's family could afford living on that island on Clifford, and why the The Berenstain Bears seem so oddly old-fashioned. Well I gots all the answers for you.

Look out your window right this moment. There are probably teenagers around, somewhere out there. Maybe they're in plain view, maybe they're hiding. But either way, they're up to something.

Why? Why in the world would anyone want to be Hooters waitress instead of just being a stripper?

I don't know why I find this skit so funny, but I do. My wife and I were talking about those day time talk show episodes where the topic is reuniting people in high school, sometimes reuniting people who had secret crushes on one another but never told, but usually because someone harassed the other constantly and they want to show them up on Tv. And also, they have contracted a sexually transmitted disease.

Back when this page was hosted on Scribble.nu, one of my favorite things was to go through hotornot.com and find funny pictures of people and write funny captions for them. That was like 2002; this is 2009, and I don't even know if hotornot.com still exists or not. I don't know why I never bothered to modify it and just caption funny photos which are all over the Internet nowadays, but I finally decided to start doing it after however many years it's been here on Blogspot.com. Here are parts one and two!


SERIOUS/TOPICAL

We've been evolving for about 6 million years as a species, you wouldn't think Sarah Palin would exist, or that she would appeal to anybody. Sarah Palin supporters aren't very intelligently designed.

It turns out that, while I enjoy my sex life a good deal, I'm also super self conscious that not only am I secretly afraid of having a threesome, but I also think I am secretly the most boring person on the planet in bed. There, I said it.

People often pretend that they got along great with their siblings. I don't know why they would lie about something like that, and yet they do.

One of my favorite things to do is to take screeds written by complete assholes and deconstructing them line by line. Some self-described Harley-riding cowboy wants his America back! Despite the fact that he clearly has no idea what America is.

Obama as the Joker? Yeah, that's a really good comparison. The Joker was all about re-distribution of wealth to the middle class and poor.

People have a fundamental misunderstanding as to exactly what science is because they have a laziness when it comes to comprehension and learning. That seems obvious, but why don't they just let the scientists do their jobs without having to just out-and-out not believe anything they say?

Listen folks, I don't care if you have nothing to hide-- warrantless wiretapping is not only an invasion of privacy, it's also a monumental waste of time and tax money.

Remember how in the lead-up to Iraq, the story as to exactly why we were in Iraq kept changing, literally week to week? That was a sign Iraq was bullshit. Republicans excuses for denying health reform is bullshit too, because the reasons we're supposed to be afraid literally change day by day. Don't trust them.

Over the summer of 2009, particularly in August, it seemed as if the entire country had absolutely lost its mind, and people, normal American people, went out in droves and shouted their allegiance to the things that are literally killing them, in a proud and wholehearted disregard of facts and common sense. I sat down and wrote a lot of words about it. Here are parts one, about how Republicans are a hive mind spreading lies and Democrats are, somehow, powerless to stop them, two, about the gun-toting lunatics deciding to take this opportunity to bully free speech, three, about Dick Cheney, who is a text-book monster, and four, about how I'm losing faith in the American system of government.

Maybe this will be interesting to no one, but I've had people tell me they like it when I tell more personal, honest stories, so what the hell. It's a long, rambling story about one of the worst days of my life, and it involves the State Fair.


LISTS

A thousand entries ago or so I had did a list of the hottest celebrities, and my top movies, and I thought I would be doing lists fairly regularly, so I should have "lists" as a thing to highlight in my 100 entries, because they're not really humorous, and not really serious, but worth pointing out. Then I didn't do another list at all. Until a thousand entries later! A List of Celebrities from he 90s who I would like to see naked but who never actually got naked!

REVIEWS

I planned on a bunch more reviews (ain't that always the case?), but only got out District 9. But, if you care, I think it's a well-written review.
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with love from CRS @ 8:33 AM 

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