CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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NATION'S YOUTH DEFINITELY UP TO SOMETHING

Saturday, September 19, 2009

this entry brought to you by a perfect circle, "weak and powerless"





US Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano made an national address today, warning the nation that the terror level had been raised to red. Accordingly, the nation was urged to stay indoors with windows and doors closed and locked.

"The nation's youth," said Napolitano in her speech, "several of whom have been standing around across the street from your home have been spotted looking around suspiciously for at least an hour now while messaging one another using a 'text' function on their cellular phones, which we suspect they are using to coordinate a hostile act of some kind, we are not sure what. What we can say for certainty is that these young people are most definitely up to something, and whatever it is, it can't be good."

Napolitano described the nation's youth as being "sketchy", wearing hooded sweatshirts so that their eyes cannot be seen, their hands in their pockets, making it impossible to see any weapons they might holding, cigarettes dangling out of their mouths. "You really can't blame them," said Napolitano, "because for years Hollywood has rotted their brains with television and violent movies, making these kids think that acting like a bad guy is somehow 'cool'. As a pre-emptive measure to whatever it is they're up to, America must stay indoors, so that when the stuff hits the fan, nobody gets hurt."

"Although you must keep all doors and windows locked until the nation's teenagers have dispersed," Secretary Napolitano continued, "concerned American citizens are encouraged to stare at these good-for-nothings through their windows, shaking their heads disapprovingly, which will tell them we know they're up to something."

Encouraging vigilant staring and shaking of fists, the Secretary explained that only with courage and valor can Americans stop the nation's youth from whatever sinister plot it is they've been communicating to one another through their Facebooks and their Twitters, whatever those things are.

"We know these hooligans across this great country of ours are up to something," said Miss Napolitano, "but if we let them know they can't scare us, through the security of our locked homes, we can send them along. It is doubtless they have no homes to go to, because no good, proper parents would allow their children to become such delinquents, but if we have a united front, we can discourage them from enacting whatever evil plot they've hatched, they will go away to some bonfire in a vacant lot far, far away from your home, drinking booze and fornicating and listening to hip-hop music and whatever else it is kids do these days, allowing us to live in peace."

UPDATE: There have been reports of teenagers from across the nation pounding their fists into the fists of other teenagers, and saying "word" to one another, probably as a type of code. These have been seen as a possible indicator that the no-good plan has been taken to a second, possibly more no-good step. Americans are advised to keep their televisions tuned to their local news channels for further information if this situation worsens, such as teenagers getting in a vehicle and driving back and forth down a single street with no obvious objective.
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with love from CRS @ 10:40 AM 

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