CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
1300th ENTRY! Best of the past 100!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

this entry brought to you by lcd soundsystem, "it's time to get away"


Another 100 entries goes by, some great ones, very few lame ones, and yet I still didn't manage to come up with many more skits. I did come up with a few, but only one of them managed to have quality enough to make it onto my best of. I also noticed that virtually all my "serious" topics had to do with religion, again. Here's to hoping I can throw more variety into the mix next 100. As always, if you want to read the best of the previous 100, click here.


FUNNY/RANDOM


Abstinence education, really, is absolutely ridiculous. What these people really want is for their children to live in an isolated world, completely seperate from the realities of society.

To tell you the truth, I don't remember exactly what inspired this headline about Satan being pissed for people using his name as email addresses, but if Satan is real, and he didn't jump on the email bandwagon immediately, this has absolutely got to be true.

I'm planning on doing stand-up. I've got loads of material to work from (obviously), but I've compiled five minutes that I think works pretty well. And this is my next-to-closing joke. What do you think?

I don't know if you noticed this, but in real life there have been a rash of people who have decided to jump in the polar bear cage at the local zoo all over the world. I added the picture to prove that this is indeed a real problem, in case you were unaware of it.

No, seriously, being a beauty contest judge in Sweden has got to be a pain in the ass. You would think it would be awesome, but if you've seen one Nordic chick, you're pretty much seen them all.

The Costby Show came out more than a decade before 7th Heaven, yet somehow, this comedy show was more realistic and more down-to-earth than the supposed family drama.

According to Bill and Ted's lore, we should all be wearing puffy jackets and doing slow, very meaningful air guitar. What the hell happened? It looks like Rufus was wrong about Wyld Stallyns.

Origin of this joke: I thought of doing a joke about Oprah. The idea of her telling her minions to do some sort of sinister "phase two" sounded funny to me, but then, it was also pretty predictable, and sounded like a joke pretty much anyone else would make. But what if Oprah had no sinister plans, but her fans demanded one? That sounded much, much funnier to me.

Look! A skit! What a rare thing nowadays. This is a skit that is funny and full of information on how to convince a girl to have a threesome with you. What more needs to be said?

When the television signal switched from analog signals to cable, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to make fun of old people. Because fuck old people, you know?

I really love doing lists of "things you didn't know". Somehow, once I write one joke, the rest just flow easily out of me. Traditionally I have a hard time writing 4th of July entries, but when I thought "It's been a while since I did a list of random things you didn't know", my 4th of July entry was born. I wrote every single one of these jokes in less than one hour. I'm really proud of myself.


SERIOUS/ TOPICAL

It might seem like a strange thing to say, but, as an atheist, I don't want my daughter to go to church, even if she makes a good friend who wants her to go to a youth group with her.

I considered filing this under "funny" because it's written in a very funny way-- I think it's hilarious-- but it makes a very serious point. Abstinence-only educationists go about their efforts in the absolute wrong way, which only further emphasizes how wrong they are.

I read, on a Christian website, an attempt at proving God through the scientific method. I'm not even a scientist, and even yet I could prove how woefully unscientific their reasoning was.

Little girls don't wear mohawks and little boys don't wear dresses. Is it really such a bad thing, though, if you let them indulge in their little whims? What, exactly, is wrong with sticking to or not sticking to gender roles?

Did you ever see that "A Storm is Coming" commercial against Prop 8? You probably don't live in California, so you probably did not. You really need to see the bullshit fear-tactics these people are using to convince people gay marriage will destroy society. It's disturbing.

I have since found out that the statistic stated in this entry is wrong, but that doesn't make the entry any less valid. People who support torture are fundamentally misguided and/or wrong.

I rarely talk about personal things on the page, but when this happened, it seemed like a good opportunity to reflect on it for posterity's sake, and besides, I thought it would be interesting to other people to read about what happened when we thought we'd lost the pregnancy.

"Hate the sin, love the sinner". What a pile of bullshit. It's a nice thing to say, but nobody means it.

Whenever it comes up that you don't like guns, if any gun lover even gets a whiff, they'll come running with what they think is a profound, unanswerable question with which to corner you: "Well what if a rapist broke into your home and murdered your wife and child with an axe and you didn't have a gun? Huh? What would you do then, smart guy?" Here, I think, is a fair rebuttal, though an obvious one.


REVIEWS

No music reviews again this last 100-- in fact, I checked, and my last one was just about a year ago, so we'll see if I can get around to doing more. In the mean time, I've got three summer blockbusters, two Oscar nominated movies from last year. X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator Salvation, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire, and Up.
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with love from CRS @ 8:27 AM 

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