CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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WYLD STALLYNS DROPPED FROM THEIR MUSIC LABEL

Friday, May 29, 2009

this entry brought to you by the white stripes, "screwdriver"



The Wyld Stallyns, pictured here in 1989.


SAN DIMUS-- Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan, who together are Wyld Stallyns have been dropped from Atlantic Records, their record label for the past 20 years. A representative for the label cited their 15 consecutive records that failed to chart, including Totally Excellent!!!, Wyld Stallyns Are Most Triumphant, Death Ain't Nuthin But a Cold Trip, and The Master Works Volume I through IV, as reason for their dismissal.

"Ordinarily," said Warner Executive Neil Villagrana, "a band with such lackluster sales for this long a period of time would've been dropped by the label some time ago. However, I personally kept going up to the bat for them, telling other executives that this was a band we couldn't afford to cut. I had this deep down gut feeling that they were literally going to change the world. Even in September 1991, just a few months after I signed Wyld Stallyns when Nirvana hit, rendering the entire genre completely inoperable, I still had faith that they [the Stallyns] could bring it back with their totally excellent riffs and utterly bitchin' lyrics. It's with much disappointment that I have to concede that this probably isn't going to happen."

Preston and Logan, along with other band members including their two respective girlfriends known only as "The Princesses", an alien creature called Station, and The Grim Reaper, had their biggest hit in 2003 when "69, Dudes!!!", off their 11th record, Party On Dudes!!!! Part 3 was remixed and became a smash at gay dance clubs. Still, it floundered in obscurity amongst mainstream radio stations.

Two days after Atlantic announced the band was being dropped, their manager, known only as "Rufus", was found dead in his studio apartment, apparently having committed suicide. The note he'd left behind read "I'd hedged my entire life on being right about them. I even got them personal guitar lessons from Eddie Van Halen. But even after all that, it turns out I was wrong. I can't live in a world that isn't run on the philosophy of slacker hair metal and late 80's surfer slang. Party on."

When contacted by the press for their reaction on being dropped by their long time label and the death of the only manager they'd ever had, Preston and Logan both responded by shouting in unison, "Wyld Stallyns Rule!" and playing a flurry of air guitar.
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with love from CRS @ 7:04 AM 

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