CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Responding to Anti-Gay Marriage Propaganda

Thursday, May 07, 2009

this entry brought to you by the pomegranates, "everybody come outside!"


This video has made the rounds on nearly every liberal media show that I watch, and got bashed on Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, The Daily Show, Bill Maher, and virtually everything else with a liberal slant. But I kept waiting for a line-by-line response to it, and I never got it, so even though I'm writing this weeks past its initial splash on the Internet, I still wanted to throw my two cents in.

This is the National Organization For Marriage. The little description next to their Youtube video says that it is "a nonprofit organization with a mission to protect marriage and the faith communities that sustain it." I'd like to point out that these "faith communities" sustain marriage only fifty percent of the time. Just sayin'.





Professional Looking Hot Blonde Chick: "There's a storm coming..."

 ...You mean, as evidenced by the looming black cloud in the background and the lightning? This is poor narrative. You could just let the literal storm that you spent so much money on illustrate the metaphorical storm you speak of without coming right out and saying it.

Professional Looking White Dude: "The clouds are dark, and the winds are strong..."

 I would comment on the obvious heinous overuse of black, frightening, foreboding imagery, but to be completely honest, if this were a pro-same-sex ad, there's a possibility they'd use the exact same tactics. I'd sure hope our side would be able to use subtlety thinner than blunt trauma to the face, but this is a one minute ad and you only have so much time to make sure you drive a point home, so I wouldn't put it past them. I'll let it slide.

Somewhat Geeky Black Chick: "...And I am afraid."

 ...Here's where the hyperbole reaches eye-rolling level to genuinely laugh-out-loud level. You're afraid? You know this is the script to an anti-gay-marriage commercial, right? Why would you want to actually use the word "afraid" when it comes to something someone else is doing in the privacy of their own home?

...Oh right, all the bullshit that's going to come later in the commercial. Still, drawing out imagery of storm clouds is one thing, but coming right out and saying that it's okay to be afraid of something someone else is doing that isn't actually hurting anyone is reaching into levels of reactionary bullshit that hasn't been seen too much in the anti-gay media until now. Normally these kinds of commercials just lie. They don't lie and threaten. That's usually reserved for propaganda against illegal immigrants and socialists.

This commercial is trying to appeal to middle of the road Christians, trying to get a grasp on fence-sitters, because the far right batshit fringe already agree with these sentiments and have been loudly protesting everything gay in sight for years. This is supposed to appeal to the people who feel this way inside, but are afraid to speak up. You would think that if you weren't already fucking insane that you would see this line in the commercial and say "Afraid? Oh come on," even if you weren't a supporter of gay marriage.

...But as we learn quickly from the right wing, they're always eager to slip to new lows in their rhetoric.

I Dunno, A Middle Eastern Guy?: "Some who advocate for same-sex marriage have taken the issue far beyond same-sex couples."

 This makes it sound like there are same-sex marriage proponents that are fire-bombing people's cars in order to pressure them into supporting same-sex rights. People who talk like this are usually chiefs of police or mayors of a city with organized crime. "It's one thing when they just kill one another, but they've taken the issue far beyond just warring between the families. Now they're killing innocent people."

Somebody's Dad: "They want to bring the issue into my life."

 Yes. They want you to accept reality. It's not really as hard as you are making it. You don't have to have hold hands with a man if you don't want. But if by bringing the issue into your life you mean having to see two dudes holding hands on occasion, then yes. In other news, Muslims still have to pray to Mecca during certain points during the day, and you have to see that, as well, whether you agree with it or not.

If you are implying anything more than that, then you are lying.

Possibly a Hispanic Chick: "My freedom will be taken away."

 --Stop. Stop right there.

I don't know how to react to a line like that, with humor, or with utter indignation.

When you mention freedoms being taken away in a commercial supporting the denial of somebody else's freedom, you automatically lose. Imagine a pro-same-sex marriage that compared, somehow, the religious right to Hitler. That's the same kind of utterly ridiculous, incendiary nonsense this statement is.

Somebody's Mom: "I'm a California doctor who must choose between my faith and my job."

 Okay. You've got one minute of air time. Instead of bullshitting me with vague, frightening phrases, why don't you instead spend one minute explaining to me how you, a doctor, must choose between your faith and your job when it comes to two gay people getting married. And keep in mind that if there's any person that you refuse to help within your areas of expertise for any reason, you will have your license stripped from you.

The makers of this commercial think using language for anti-abortionists will help them score points with the religious right. They are probably correct.

Stiff Looking Dude Who Looks Uncomfortable: "I'm part of a New Jersey church group punished by the government because we can't support same-sex marriage."

 By "punished", what you're actually referring to is not getting money from the government for your "faith based initiative". Money shouldn't have anything to do with how you worship, friend. Jesus wanted you to stop worrying about money, and probably wouldn't have been fond of government-funded faith based initiatives..

Total MILF Who is The Only Actress to Throw Inflection At the End of Her Sentence So She Doesn't Look Like a Robot: "I'm a Massachusetts parent helplessly watching public schools teach my son that gay marriage is okay."

 You mean admit that, in reality, people do things differently than their parents do? Why do you care so much about denying reality to your children in such a bold-faced way? Some people fall in love and get married and they aren't a man and a woman. Some women wear clothing that covers their entire body, head to toe, aside from their eyes. That's not part of your religion either, is it? But that's in school as well. As are a whole series of lessons on other Gods that were worshipped with even more devotion than you worship yours, yet are treated as mere historical trends. Reality has a whole bunch of other reality-based facts that are against your religion.

Listen, what I'm about to say might sound facetious, but I'm actually being serious: It's your job as a parent to teach your child to grow up to be whatever form of your shitty self that you have to feverishly mold him or her into. It's the school's job to teach him about facts. If you don't like those facts, teach him or her to reject them on a personal level, so long as he or she retains enough information to pass the test. But really, that's what a parent is supposed to do. Take all the information that he has in his head, good or bad, and filter it for him or her. If you can't even parent your own kid then why the fuck am I the one with the problem just because I believe in gay marriage?

If you honestly believe gay marriage is bad, and you can't sit down with your child and say "Honey, I know your teacher said that gay marriage is okay, but God says it's a no-no," it doesn't really matter because it's not my problem.

Brunette With Her Head Tilted Oddly: "...But some who advocate for same-sex marriage have not been content with same-sex couples living as they wish."

You are fucking kidding me.

Lady Who Totally Looks Gay: "...Those advocates want to change the way I live."

 This statement makes no sense, unless there is literally someone fire-bombing your car in order to pressure you into eating some carpet.

Twelve Year Old Out of Nowhere: "...I will have no choice".

 ...And, you poor dear, you never had a choice. Your mommy and daddy want you to be the spitting image of themselves, closed-minded fuck wits who are filled with hate and with demonstrably fragile egos. They can't control the world around them, so instead they take all their misplaced anger and try to control your life. But it's not just your life in their house that they will be content with (which is completely their right, sadly, just like making an innocent girl show up in a shitty, hateful commercial), but your whole life until the day they die. And, statistically, they will probably be divorced by the time you turn 18, if they're not divorced already. You never had a choice over the awful, intolerant things you have been brainwashed with.

There's a bright side: Everybody hates their parents and realize what assholes they are, and you probably will too.

Dude Who Doesn't Look All That Mexican But Totally Speaks With a Thick Mexican Accent: "The storm ees comeeng."

 Why does this commercial make me feel like it's setting up a literal war? What the fuck is with you right wing lunatics and constantly threatening a violent uprising? The south will not rise again!

Total DoucheBag At The End: "...But we have hope. A rainbow coalition of people of every creed and color are coming together in love to protect marriage. Visit NationForMarriage.org. Join us."

 Listen. I'm going to be serious here. Just a piece of advice. Man to man.

When you are making a commercial that is against gay marriage, you should probably do your best to not use images such as "rainbow coalition" and "coming together in love". You know that whole "homophobes are actually repressed homosexuals" theory? Between you and me, I don't think that theory is necessarily always true. But yeah, it kinda enforces it when you say things like that. I mean, not that your side has any fucking clue what the fuck it is you're saying or doing, but it makes the rest of us laugh at you really hard. I mean, hey, you know, do what you need to do, but I just want you to know, we think this shit is hilarious. Just so you know what all the sniggering is for when you're trying to have a serious presentation or what have you.

...You fucking idiot. You know, I really do feel sorry for your God. Having to spend all that time up in Heaven with all you assholes. I mean, really. What the hell are you going to talk about once you're dead? There won't be anyone left to hate.
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with love from CRS @ 1:12 PM 

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