CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States
There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .
How to Successfully Get a Girl Into a Threesome
this entry brought to you by spoon, "my little japanese cigarette case"
Step one. Mention a threesome to a cute girl you would like to have a threesome with.
Oh my God, Sally, I was on the Internet last night, and I saw a man having sex with two different chicks at the same time! Well, alternating, really. But still, they were both doing it with him! Isn't that crazy!
Do not proceed if you get a reaction of apprehension or disgust.
Threesomes are immoral. Jesus never had a threesome, and neither should anyone.
A more positive reaction would be of excitement and curiosity.
Holy cow! That sounds intriguing and sexy!
Fantastic! You've "planted a seed". Lay off the subject for a little while. Move to step two.
Step 2. Within two days, mention that you have talked about a threesome with your significant other.
My wife and I were talking the other day. The conversation turned to that threesome I saw on the Internet the other day.
You are doing fine and should continue on to step 3 if the conversation continues as follows:
That's crazy!
She mentioned that she would enjoy doing that.
Wow! Your wife is crazy!
I told her that I wanted to do that as well! Have sex with two alternating women I mean.
Wow! You guys are so crazy!
You have struck out if the conversation continues as follows:
Did you read this week's Us Weekly? That Jennifer Aniston is up to her old antics again.
Consider this not-so-subtle topic change a complete dead end, because who wants to have sex with a girl who pays attention to tabloids? If the conversation continues as follows, consider it a yellow light, sort of a "proceed with caution":
I only enjoy having sex with other women.
This can be a positive or a negative at this point. Continue to step 3.
Step 3. On a third day, without too much time before steps one and this one going between, subtly hint that you would like this person to be the third member in your trist, but do not directly mention it.
So my wife and I are planning on having a threesome. The only problem is exactly who we should invite to have one with us. It would have to be someone really cool, someone really trustworthy, someone awesome. Like, for example, someone who contains the exact amount of awesomeness and trustworthiness as yourself.
Essentially at this point, if you've handled yourself in the way described above, you'll have hit a home run no matter which way she answers.
Awesome! I've always wanted to have a threesome!
Booyaka!
But if you get the opposite reaction, continue to step 4.
Uhm.... [awkward laugh] I'm uh, not going to be having a threesome with you and your wife... Sorry...
Step 4. Deny.
What? ...No, wait, you think I'm-- Oh gosh! Hah ha. This is really awkward. No, I meant someone like you, someone with your qualities, but no, not you specifically. I would never invite you to have a threesome with my wife. You'd make it too weird.
No matter what this person thinks of you or your significant other sexually, you now have a partner for your sex threesome, unless you are really, really ugly and/or fat. Just continue to step 5.
What the fuck? You think I'd make it weird? How the hell would I make it weird? No, seriously, I want to know. That's bullshit. Maybe you'd make it weird! There's no way I'd make it weird. Sheesh. I just don't see how you think I'd make it weird. I think I would be very mature about it.
Step 5. Egg it on.
Oh yeah? Well fucking prove me wrong.
Alright I will!
Step 6. Enjoy your awesome threesome. You have now succeeded in convincing two girls to alternatingly do it with you! Celebrate.
Booyaka!
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with love from CRS @ 10:01 AM
2 Comments:
I hear 25 bucks and a pack of Big Red gum helps to cinch the whole deal.
Only you would want a threesome with the BM Emporium girl, you freak.
