CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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ABSTINENCE EDUCATION FOR AMERICA'S YOUTH: HERE TO HELP

Sunday, April 05, 2009

this entry brought to you by tapes 'n tapes, "the dirty dirty"





To All Concerned Parents in America,

In a recent study it was revealed that America, the richest country in the entire world, came in first in teen pregnancy, surpassed by even India. If this is a statistic that concerns you, then you have a friend in Abstinence Education For America's Youth (AEFAY).

We at AEFAY find these statistics to be very grave and worrisome indeed. Still, anyone could have guessed as much-- just look around-- and anyone could guess that it must be caused by the prevalence in sex education. Simply put, sex education is not working, and we must further emphasize abstinence education. Abstinence before marriage is the only way to ensure unwanted pregnancies and STDs. But we at AEFAY aren't willing to just put the blame on our philosophical opponents. We realize that we too have some blame in our epidemic of teen pregnancies. Simply put, we haven't been driving the message home effectively enough.

The only way we can truly keep our beloved children away from the wicked temptations of premarital sex, we're sure you'll agree, is within our capabilities. Yet we, as parents, need to be steadfast and thorough with our abstinence education. This is why we have come up with the Leave 'Em In The Woods Program.

With the Leave 'Em In the Woods Program, parents will abandon their young adolescents in the woods with other children of the same gender (or, as in the case of young adolescents already seen holding hands with the opposite sex, they will be abandoned by themselves), miles away from anyone of the opposite sex in order to fend for themselves until they reach adulthood. Food will be dropped off daily to be divvied up democratically, as will textbooks to do Math, Language Arts, and Bible Studies (but not Reading, Art, History, or Science) which will be picked up anonymously the following day to be graded by homeschooling parents, who will also be miles away.

Leaving your child in the woods for the entirety of their adolescence, miles away from society but especially of members of the opposite gender, means they'll never even have to think about having sex with the opposite sex. We all love it when our sons and daughters make a Chastity Promise, but when they're out in the woods, by themselves, struggling to keep out of the weather and protect themselves from predators, they'll never even have time to think about how attractive the opposite sex might be. While they desperately treat wounds, poison ivy rashes, and bee stings, they won't notice their raging hormones, let alone think about what they should do about them. Even masturbation will be the furthest thing from their mind when keeping a fire going through the night so they don't freeze to death is such a high priority.

The Leave 'Em In the Woods Program, which has been tried in several states including Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Alabama, has successfully proven, in study after study, to lead to be 100% effective against teen pregnancy. Perhaps even more promising, once the child has turned 18 and re-introduced into society, it has been proven to nearly never desire any sort of sex at all, ever, excluding a few statistically irrelevant cases of violent rape. Furthermore, while they'll be completely isolated from anything concerning sex before marriage, they'll be educating themselves with not only scholastic skills, but will graduate from the program having full knowledge of preservation and nature skills, giving them an automatic advantage for job opportunities compared to other people their own age who had gone to a public education with sex crammed down their throats at every opportunity.

The AEFAY: We're here thinking about your children's future.
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with love from CRS @ 10:26 AM 

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