CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Cosmo Sometimes Contains Really Important Information

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

this entry brought to you by mates of state, "now"


Back in like, December of 2008, there was an issue of Cosmo. Jessica Simpson was on the cover. It said:

"TOTAL BODY SEX! These bed-shaking techniques will have any man quivering with pleasure from head to toe!"

"Bonus Section! Sexy Vs Skanky-- YOUR JAW IS GONNA DROP!"

"The trick that attracts hot guys like crazy!"

"Your Orgasm Face :-o What he's thinking when he sees it." And yes, it had that little emoticon, as if someone said "Yeah, we need to make sure our audience knows what we mean by 'o-face', so we should have a little cartoon symbol."

"Cosmo's NAKED QUIZ"

And then, in the corner, in slightly smaller letters than all the others, "How to outsmart a date rapist."

First of all, outsmart a date rapist? Does Cosmo think its readers are playing a deadly game of cat and mouse with a date rapists?

"Rook to White Bishop. CHECK MATE, Date rapist!"

"ARGH! You've foiled me! Consarnnit! You win this game, you rascal!!"

And secondly, if you have information on how to avoid getting raped, don't you think that's more important than all the other shit in your crappy magazine? Shouldn't that be at the very top in big, bold letters? Maybe you get a special ink that flashes? ENNT ENNT ENNT! THIS MAGAZINE CONTAINS INFORMATION ON HOW NOT TO GET FUCKING RAPED. PASS THIS ISSUE BY AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
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with love from CRS @ 8:54 AM 

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