CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
AN AUDIO EXHIBITIONIST RELIEVED OBAMA WANTS TO CONTINUE WARRANTLESS WIRETAPPING

Saturday, August 15, 2009

this entry brought to you by lcd soundsystem, "daft punk is playing at my house"


Local man Darryl Ressler, 37, announced today that he will continue masturbating on the phone while on hold, while navigating through touch-tone activated phone menus, and when dialing 411, now that Obama has come out as being supportive of warrantless wiretapping.

"Nothing thrills me more than the idea that someone, somewhere, might be listening in on my phone calls," said Ressler in a statement. "I was terrified during the 2008 Presidential race, knowing that a Democrat might be elected. With a Democrat in office, George Bush's warrantless, extremely erotic wiretapping service on unsuspecting Americans would doubtlessly be unfurled."

Ressler said that he'd begun making plans to start masturbating during customer service calls to his cable company after the point that states calls may be recorded for quality assurance, but, he said, "It turns out I don't have to run the risk of an operator figuring out my sexy secret and hanging up on me. Now that Obama is keeping the Bush program concerning the destruction of the 4th amendment until the Supreme Court says it's unconstitutional, I'm able to continue my delightfully naughty hobby two, sometimes three times a day. But never four. I'm not as young as I used to be."

When asked why he thought having a government agent listening in on his phone calls would be worth the tax dollars and man power spent, Ressler responded, "Of course I don't think it's a smart way to spend tax dollars. It's a sexy way, sure, but not necessarily smart."

"But what are you going to do?" continued the pervert. "Write your Congressman to come out against this unconstitutionally horny act? You don't have the time or the energy to do that and you know it. So you continue enjoying your time not writing Congressmen, and I will gladly enjoy my orgasms."

According to Ressler's mother, who has accidentally picked up a phone in her house and heard her son's sexual deviation on the other line on several occasions, insists that he had nothing to worry about concerning whether anyone in the government might be listening. "Darryl has purposefully made strange and bewildering phone calls to the FBI for several years. Nothing threatening enough to get him arrested, but definitely enough to get on a list. Probably enough to for them to get a warrant to tap his phones, anyway."

Added Ressler's mother, "I suppose out of all the weird stuff my boy could be into, this is one of the least harmful. Lord, where did I go wrong?"
-----



with love from CRS @ 10:06 AM 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment