CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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Today On The Maury Povich Show

Friday, October 09, 2009

this entry brought to you by queens of the stone age "in the fade"


MAURY: Welcome back to the Maury Povich Show! Today we've been reuniting people who, in their past, have had some unresolved issues. Let's welcome our next guest, Darren Norrel. Thanks for being on the Maury Povich Show, Darren.

DARREN: Thanks, Maury.

MAURY: Now Darren, do you have any idea why you're here?

DARREN: Actually yeah, Maury. I think I have an idea...

MAURY: Well go ahead and tell us!

DARREN: Well... Your producers didn't tell me who I was here to see, but they said that I would be reunited with someone from high school. There was this girl... Her name was, if I can remember, Jenny, although I don't remember her last name. She was kind of overweight, and not really that popular, and I used to make fun of her. I was actually really mean about it, and I feel really awful that I used to be like that toward her. I've never really forgotten about her, and I really wish I could apologize.

MAURY: You think her name was Jenny, right?

DARREN: I might be wrong about that, but yeah, that's what I remember.

MAURY: Well, let's go ahead and reveal who it is! Say hello to Jenny Molock!

[An incredibly good-looking slutty girl struts out wearing a string bikini and a thong, high heels, and, before sitting down in the chair, turns her back on the cheering audience, looks over her shoulder, and bends down touching her toes, giving the audience a look at her ass. She sits down.]

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

DARREN: Oh my god, Jenny! You look incredible!

JENNY: Yee-ah, that's right motha-[FLEEP]-er, whatchu got ta say about me now?

DARREN: (clearly moved) You-- you look absolutely stunning!

JENNY: Yee-ah that's right, motha-[FLEEP]-er, I gots it goin' on! I ain't just some fat chick in high school you can make fun of! I work at the Hustler Club on Franklin Avenue! In Branson!

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

MAURY: Jenny, do you have something to say to Darren?

JENNY: Yee-ah! I just wanna to say, uhm, like, you used ta make fun of me when I was in high school and stuff, and it hurt my feelins. I used ta sit in my bedroom and cry, like, all night. But I ain't cryin' no more! Not no more! Nuh-uh!

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

DARREN: I feel absolutely horrible about it, I've always regretted that I've never had the chance to apologize.

JENNY: You can apologize all you want, but you can never have any of this!

[She stands up and runs her hands up and down her body, stopping to grope her own breasts at the audience.]

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[Jenny flashes the audience her blurred out breasts.]

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

JENNY: Thas right, motha-[FLEEP]-er, if you want a lap dance, you gotta pay 20 bucks like everybody else! Ain't no motha-[FLEEP]-in discount for yo ass!

MAURY: Would you like to apologize right now, Darren?

DARREN: Yes, I would, Maury. Jenny, I'm so sorry that I tormented you like that. I was stupid, I was immature, I was a complete jerk-- no, I was worse than that. I was just a total complete waste of a human being, I have thought about you since high school. I've hoped you were doing well, and if there is anything I can do for you, I will gladly do it.

MAURY: Well, Jenny? What do you say? Is there anything Darren can do for you?

JENNY: Yee-ah, there is!

[Jenny stands up and faces Darren.]

JENNY: I would really like it, Darren, if you... (hand gesture blurred) GO [FLEEP] YOURSELF!

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JENNY: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT MOTHA-[FLEEP]-ER! How you like me now? How you like me now?

[Darren holds back tears and avoids eye contact with the camera.]

MAURY: Darren? Darren?

DARREN: Yes, Maury.

MAURY: Looks like she doesn't seem to accept your apology, Darren.

DARREN: Yes, I noticed, Maury. It's too bad, because I really wanted to be able to handle this like adults.

MAURY: You know what else is too bad? Our tests show that you have AIDS.

JENNY: OOOH! OH [SHLEEP]! OH [SHLEEP]! That's right, you got AIDS, motha-[FLEEP]-er! You got AIDS! OH SNAP!

DARREN: What? How the hell could I--

MAURY: On your plane flight here, that nap you took? One of our producers slipped something in your drink to make you fall asleep, and took a blood sample from you while you were out.

JENNY: OH SNAP, SON! YOU GOT MOTHA-[FLEEP]-IN AIDS! OOHHHHHH SNAP!

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DARREN: But how is this possible?! I use a condom every time--

MAURY: It's conclusive, Darren, you've got full-blown AIDS.

JENNY: Yeeeeaah motha-[FLEEP]-er! That's what you get! Karma's a bitch, ain't it? Yee-ah! You won't ever be makin' fun of no fat chicks now! Cuz you be dyin' of AIDS!

MAURY: We have to go to commercial in just a moment, but first, we have the three women you've slept within the last 6 months, during the time you most definitely had the virus! Please welcome Kim, Kelly, and Nichole to the show!

[Three pissed off women come from the back room]

KELLY: What the [FLEEP], Darren, you have [FLEEP]-ing AIDS and you don't even tell me?

KIM: You told me you always used a condom you jerk! Where the hell do you get off lying to women about stuff like that?

NICHOLE: Guess what? There's a chance that you gave me AIDS, but I gotta tell you something! IT WASN'T A COLD SORE MOTHER-[FLEEP]-ER!

JENNY: OH [SHLEEP]! OHHHHHHH [SHLEEP]! You got AIDS and herpes! How you like that?

MAURY: Next on Maury-- we'll talk to a girl who hasn't seen her favorite, most influential teacher that inspired a major life change since the seventh grade! We'll see what things they'll have to catch up on! Coming up after this!

DARREN: (crying) Oh god, this is worse than the day my mom and dad were murdered by that hobo...
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with love from CRS @ 8:46 AM 

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