CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
The Truth About Clifford the Big Red Dog

Thursday, September 10, 2009

this entry brought to you by smashing pumpkins, "adore"

clifford actually had his own tv show back in the early 80s, and I don't remember a thing about it. i am going to assume that the show had a different main plot than the one currently in reruns on PBS, that started in the early 2000's, starring John Ritter as Clifford. This is about the John Ritter one.





"Clifford needed Emily, so she chose him for her own/ And her love made Clifford grow so big/ So the Howards had to leave the city".

That's how the theme song goes. Except Emily's love didn't make Clifford grow so big. It was experimental dog food.

See, the Howards lived in the city, but they own a Pet Food company, and the factory is located on Bridwell Island. Emily's dad had come up with a new experimental dog food to make runt puppies grow bigger, but it worked much better than they'd hoped, making the dog so huge that the Howards had to move from their Manhattan condo.

Where to move? Bridwell Island. See, the Howards aren't just a normal family, they're multi-millionaires. Otherwise how would a family living in an apartment move to an exclusive, upper class, affluent island? Who else could afford that but multi-millionaires? But even multi-millionaires would have problems feeding a dog that gigantic considering they don't get any money back from the investment of feeding the thing-- no matter, all the dog food they could want is free, because they own the factory.

So the family moves to Bridwell Island because the dog grew so huge they couldn't live in their condo anymore. But why in the world would the good people of Bridwell Island allow a mammoth dog to live in their neighborhood? Cleaning his gigantic poops would be enough of a burden on the city alone, and that's not counting the noise, and the amount of money it would take to repair things that he inadvertently destroys.

...But the Howards own the Pet Food Factory, and it turns out that Howard Pet Food is the biggest contributor to the local economy. 85% of the people on the island work at the factory, and the factory is owned by the Howards. Essentially, the Howards own Bridwell Island, and people are afraid to complain, in fear that they might lose their job and their excellent benefits. This explains why people always act happy to see Clifford when he approaches, when a normal person would shriek and run in the opposite direction. They paste on a big fake grin and say "He-hey! It's that... big dog! Yeah! Alright! I love gigantic dogs. Oh, hey, it's no bother that he just crushed my car! That's why you have car insurance! In case a big dog sits on it! Ha ha. I'm going to go now. I have some crying to do. I loved that car. I really, really did."
-----



with love from CRS @ 8:31 AM 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment