CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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WOMEN FROM THE 90s THAT NEVER GOT NAKED BUT WHOM I WOULD LIKE TO SEE NAKED

Sunday, August 30, 2009

this entry brought to you by nirvana, "come as you are"


There's something special about the girls you were growing up with. You'd never forget your first love in elementary school, but, perhaps more importantly, you'd never forget your cinematic first loves. Falling in love with a celebrity is life changing when you're growing up. And, if you think about it, most of the celebrities you had crushes on as a kid have, at some point in time, shed their clothes and pranced in the nude, which is life changing in and of itself, much like the first time you saw your childhood crush naked, presumably when you were much more grown up than you were when you first met. But there's still a mystique about that crush you never got to gander at in the buff, the crushes you never kissed, the ones you still dream about that are forever unattainable. The same goes with your celebrity crushes that, through some astonishing fate, have never been naked. There's nothing to imply that nudity is something to be ashamed of, and god bless those ladies who have allowed their beautiful bare flesh to be captured on celluloid. But there is still a certain mysterious allure to the ones who haven't.

If you try to think of the ones you loved as a youth, it's actually quite tricky to find any that have never gotten naked in their professional careers. Here are 8 of the ones I've been jonesing for:



Janeane Garafalo I remember this one guy I knew with a macho man biker mustache, shaved head, and a flaming fist tattoo said to me, derisively, "I'll bet you like that Janeane Garafalo chick, huh?" Now, the reason he said that was because I'm liberal guy, and Janeane is liberal too, but he said it so derisively it made me really defensive-- Janeane is beautiful, and while there are plenty of people who agree with me, it makes me wonder how the hell anyone could find her unattractive. It's not that I think she needs to be at the top of everyone else's list-- hell, she's not even at the top of my list-- but she's so freaking beautiful I can't see how anyone else could just dismiss her, even if her political opinions differ. And while she's not hotter than Scarlett Johannson, she is definitely the very first person I think of when I think of 90's girls that I haven't seen naked but really would like to. In fact, the bad part about Janeane Garafalo is that she's so brainy (which turns me the hell on-- brainy chicks totally do it for me, something that should be obvious as you go down the list) I feel bad for how badly I want to see her naked. So while I feel the need to specify I wouldn't only like to see her naked, I can't lie and say I wouldn't pay money for the privilege.


Tabitha Soren
When I thought of the concept for this entry, the first two people to pop in my head were Janeane Garafalo, and Tabitha Soren. Anyone who grew up on a steady diet of MTV in the early 90's was madly in love with this redhead. She was like some sort of beacon of beauty bestowed upon us-- and she was smart! And she taught 13 year olds more about AIDs than they'd ever thought they'd know up to that point! She did actual journalism! Smart, and sexy. What's funny is, looking up pictures of her, I found some articles from back in the day from mainstream commentators complaining that Tabitha Soren was MTV's attempt at "sexing up" the news. Amusing, because nowadays you can't turn on Fox News without seeing a plunging v neckline and boisterous cleavage. By comparison, Tabitha Soren looks like somebody's hot post-grad older sister. Whose boyfriend you seethe over because you want to see her naked.


Winona Ryder
I, like most other boys my age, used to be madly in love with Winona Ryder. I admit that it was mostly because of Beetlejuice, but every time I see a picture of her, I still swoon. She's absolutely gorgeous, with these big, expressive eyes you would kill a man with your bare hands to get lost in. And, if you want to get down to it, she's got that rack. Now, if you do an image search, you'll find some frames of a movie with just the barest hint of areola, but in motion, it is literally just a few frames, and a few frames of a pinkish color doesn't count as "getting naked". She's aged 37 and still looks like a knock-out. She could still pull a Kate Winslet, show a whole lot of boobage, and win an Oscar. Thus fulfilling two dreams: seeing her naked, and seeing her relevant again.


Alicia Silverstone
Of all the ladies on this list, I would expect she (and, to a slightly lesser extent, Winona Ryder) would be the most likely to have been naked at some point in her career, as she wasn't exactly the sort of respectable actress Ryder was, yet was more marketably hot than pretty much everyone else on the list. Yet her contemporaries, even the lovely, yet more unconventionally beautiful Liv Tyler has shown her breasts once or twice. Then again, Liv Tyler still has a career, and Silverstone does not. It's usually the opposite-- normally the girls that show the goods die out early.


Kennedy
To be honest, out of all the girls on this list, I'm least excited to see Kennedy naked. She was never at the top of my list of girls I was in love with, but I have to say that I, being a fan of alternative music in the early 90s, and being a fan of nerdy hipsters, of course developed a crush over Kennedy over the years. The fact that she's grown up to be kind of a conservative blowhard in the past few years is disappointing, and only slightly takes away from my wanting to see her naked.


Sara Gilbert
When Becky on Roseanne got replaced by Sarah Chalke I think most guys my age immediately said "Hey, that chick's hot" and it just remained that way until the show ended (by totally fucking jumping the shark, but that's another entry for another day). Not I. While Darlene started off as the misfit kid, she steadily grew, over the years, into exactly the kind of girl I would have fallen in love with in high school. I would like to think that David was wussier than I was in high school, but this is probably not true. Anyway, have you seen Sara Gilbert lately? Holy smoke. Why doesn't this woman have a career in Hollywood still, and why isn't she using that career to shed her clothes on camera?


Laura Kightlinger
In case you've looked at Laura Kightlinger at all in the past few years, you might've asked yourself, "Hey, what the hell happened to Laura Kightlinger's face? Why did she go for plastic surgery? She was hot as hell!" Well, it turns out she's had skull surgery, because of misaligned bones in her skull, including her jaw. Finding pictures of her in the 90's has been actually a bit of a pain in the butt. But I remember watching her stand-up comedy on Comedy Central, and while she still looks lovely, she looks lovely and surgery'd, she used to look hot. Either way, I still wouldn't mind a peek.


Lisa Loeb
To be honest, I was never a fan of her music. There was her MTV hit, "Stay", which was catchy and for some reason I think I know all the words to. But she was the cutest damn 90's nerd-girl in the world, wasn't she? I almost hesitate to say that I'd want to see her naked, as that would kind of ruin her appeal. Almost. Why don't we have any equivalents in modern music?
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with love from CRS @ 10:20 AM 

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