CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
600th Entry! The Best of the Past 100!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

this entry brought to you by modest mouse, "ocean breathes salty"


600th entry time. Last time around I had way more "funny" entries than I did topical; this time around I had a pretty low amount of quality entries, whether funny or otherwise. It had a lot to do with computer problems, my being fired, and other things. Hopefully my next 100 will spawn more creativity. Anyway, I still had some winners and they're listed here. As always, click here if you want to read the best of the previous hundred.


RANDOM/FUNNY

Have you ever been to an orgy before? No? Well then here's your invitation! Even if you don't show up on the stated date, you can really just show up at any time and still have sex with us.

Did you ever notice that five bands with the awesomest names happen to blow donkey balls?

Get ready for 6 Pack of Double Ds, The Next Big Thing in music, who were this close to having a slot at this year's Coachella and were in serious consideration to open up for Rage Against the Machine! You heard of them hear first!

I'm not really sure what inspired this entry, it's not as if I was suffering from insomnia at the time, but anyway, you can't die from lack of sleep. You'll just wish you could.

Haven't seen any coffee commercials that say it's hand-picked by Juan Valdez in a while, have you? That's because he got fucking sick of picking your coffee and quit. Ungrateful pieces of shit.

What'll it be like when the world inevitably runs out of dirt to make glass? It's too horrifying to ponder.

Right now, as you're reading this, an alternate universe version of a friend and I are discovering Internet porn. The reprecussions aren't very pretty.

Did you ever wonder what it's like meeting Brad Pitt? Well here's your answer.

With CD sales slumping as drastically as they have been for the past several years and at an all-time low, pretty much every album is going to be just a series of 30 second ring tones, and it'll all kick off with Fergie's next album. Click here for the exclusive press release!

For the love of God, never, ever, ever ask a girl if she's pregnant. Ever.


SERIOUS/TOPICAL

There's a special kind of spoiling involved when thin parents have fat kids and don't seem to care much about it.

Why is it that black people let the worst among them drag them down? It's not as if white people let the worst among them keep them behind.

Did you ever notice that Republicans pretend to care about unborn babies but stop caring about them once they're born? Maybe I'd actually listen to their arguments if they weren't hypocrites.

Honestly, implying that homosexual marriage is in any way similar to man-on-animal marriage is complete and utter bullshit, and anyone that tries to argue this should be instantly ignored.

Why do parents bring in step parents into the house? Yes, maybe they'll "get used" to them, but what if they don't?

Breasts are sexual objects. This is not neccesarily men's fault.

In case you're in the mood for a good but sad story, here's the story about me breaking the heart of a 3rd grade girl and completely hating myself for it.

I don't do drugs, but maybe you could convince me to try 'shrooming. But probably not.

When you start off a relationship, you might not think that you'll end up using that person, but sometimes you end up doing it anyway, sometimes completely unwittingly.


REVIEWS

I didn't get around to doing any music reviews this past hundred, but please enjoy movie reviews for the superhero flicks X-Men: The Last Stand and Superman Returns, Mel Gibson's disturbing The Passion of the Christ, the gorgeous arthouse fantasy Pan's Labyrinth, and the glorious testosterone fest, 300.
-----



on this day last year just a few weeks before this entry was written i'd tried the shick quatro, when gillete announces a six bladed razor. and i thought, goddammit, that's just fucking scary. the original plan wasn't actually to use gillete's fuzion as the image for the joke, but ultimately decided there wasn't another image i could find that was more perfect. witness: THE FACE SHREDDER.
-----

with love from CRS @ 9:24 AM 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment