CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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So... When Are You Expecting?

Thursday, March 29, 2007

this entry brought to you by smashing pumpkins, "silverfuck"


I've never made this mistake before, honestly. Whenever I see pregnant women, no matter how pregnant they may be, there's always that chance that she won't be pregnant, that you'll end up looking like a jackass. I always wait for her to mention it first before I talk about it. I have always worked this way... Except once, about two weeks ago.

There is a girl that works at the local Target in the electronics department. She is young, cute as a button, hispanic, and seems to be there every single time I'm in the store, regardless of what time it is. I have seen her there for the past few years, and one day I walked in, not having been there for a couple months, and I saw her wearing the same sized t-shirts she always wears, with a very generous tummy protruding. Oh, how cute, I thought, she's pregnant, but, ever mindful of my rule of approaching possibly pregnant women, I didn't say anything about it. And, sure enough, a few months later I walked in and her tummy was gone, yet there was still a certain amount of chub that she hadn't quite lost-- baby weight, I'd assumed. See, here's the thing. The signs of pregnancy are sort of cataclysmic. One day a girl will appear to be normal, the next she seems to be putting on just a little weight, and then bam, she's enormous-- and just like that, just as quickly as it had arrived, suddenly she's thin again, well, thinner, but the point is it goes just as quickly as it came. I took this to mean that the electronics girl must have been pregnant. All the signs were there. Sudden gain of a lot of weight, sudden loss, the same sized clothes being worn the whole time-- some girls buy a lot of maternity clothes, but a lot of girls don't even bother getting a whole new wardrobe, knowing it'll all be gone soon enough.

"So, what did you end up having, a boy or a girl?" I asked, thinking that this would be a nice conversation to have. I see her frequently enough that she waves hello to me whenever I see her and I to her, and I thought, hey, I have a kid, I've had a baby, there's an invitation to have small-term chit-chat that is at least a step above the "So what do you think of the weather we're having?" conversations people have with other people they see often but don't know well enough to actually care anything about. But as soon as the words escaped my lips I regretted it. Her face screwed up as if I'd just flung a baseball at her, her cheeks flushed red. "Oh, no! No!" she said, shaking her head vehemently, almost as if the very idea of it made her sick. I instantly recovered, although knowing my recovery wouldn't really allow me to save face in terms of my humiliation, at least I could save her humiliation a touch. "Oh? Not you?" I asked as quizzically as I could muster, trying to seem natural. "I must be thinking of someone else at another Target. I used to work at another Target, and I'm sure I'm thinking of someone at my old store" I said, thinking, so you just got really fat, then, and what, wiggled your nose and made it go away?

But then she said something really weird, in her embarrassed protest: "No, no, I didn't have a baby! I'm only 19!"

You're only 19? What, do you have to be 21 to buy your ovaries from the local grocery store? Apparently all the girls I've known that've been pregnant at the age of 16 were using fake IDs. Sorry that I could make that mistake.
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on this day last year a review of the movie crash. it won picture of the year, somehow, despite having an absolutely abysmal script. and it also won best original script, despite having an absolutely abysmal script. anyway, click to read.
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with love from CRS @ 11:11 AM 

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