CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
5 Totally Rocking Names for Really Shitty Bands

Thursday, December 21, 2006

this entry brought to you by jenny lewis and the watson twins, "rise up with fists!!!"


Vertical Horizon
Name sounds like: Hey man, we take horizons, and we flip them over. That's what we do. We take your shit, and we fuck it up. That's how fucking rock n' roll we are. We aren't afraid to freak your idea of awesomeness like it was our bitch.
...But in reality: Even the lead singer (the guy on the left) looks like he could really fuck some shit up. Unfortunately, Vertical Horizon sounds like rock music for people who absolutely cannot stand rock music. It's as if Glenda The Good Witch managed a rock band.

Five For Fighting
Name sounds like: There are five of us. And we use the modifier "for" in conjunction with fighting. We exist, as a band, for fighting. Our existence as a band is to kick your ass. And since there are five of us, that's 1, 2, 3, 4 more than you, so expect your ass to be thoroughly kicked.
...But in reality: Five for fighting? It sounds as if Chris Martin from Coldplay could singularly beat every member of this band's ass with one hand tied behind his back, even if he fought them all simoultaneously. How the hell could a band this white bread put the word "Fighting" in its name?

Air Supply
Name sounds like: You need air. To live. We supply air. We give you life. Our music is so fuckin' rock n' roll all carbon-based life forms need it to survive. Don't even fucking try to deny it.
...But in reality: They sound like Five For Fighting's grandparents, but instead of being like your awesome grandparents who went off and fought wars and lived off of tar and lima beans during the Great Depression, Air Supply lived in a golden palace where everybody was inbred and had bad taste.

Savage Garden
Name sounds like: We are a garden. And our fruit is savageness. It is so rock n' roll, it roams the streets and fucks shit up. It clubs people on the head with its rock and pillages for fun. Don't get in its way, or you'll get savaged the fuck up.
...But in reality: While their name sounds like they'd be on a bill with Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins, they instead sound like the kind of crap that nobody on American Idol would bother covering because it's not interesting enough.

America
Name sound like: We are the band that represents not only a country, but freedom, democracy, and the buck stopping here, with utter ass-kicking. We'll take all other rock super powers and hobble 'em, rocketing to the top, because we are total badasses. Get out of the way or our rock will bomb your asses into oblivion.
...But in reality: If America the band was America the country, we not only would've surrendered to the Nazis in WW2, but we also would've surrendered to the French, or pretty much anyone that looked in our direction. Then Russia would've nuked us out of disgust.
-----



a few days ago last year COLLATERAL! MADONNA! CHRISTAN NUTCASES! JESSICA SIMPSON! on last year's POLARITY!

the day after that, last year my 200th entry, which is good readin' because it's just a bunch of links to other good reads. enjoy.

on this day last year the true story of a conversation i had with a soon-to-be dad.
-----

with love from CRS @ 5:24 PM 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment