CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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It's Easier To Use Someone Than You Might Think

Friday, March 02, 2007

this entry brought to you by pj harvey, "down by the water"


Let me tell you, it's much easier for you to use someone for their money than you might think. It can be done without you ever having started out the relationship knowing this is how the relationship will end up. In your heart you can start off nothing but honorable, but sometimes you turn into a spoiled brat without ever realizing it. It's a pity, but it's true.

You look at something you covet and you say, man, I wish I had that. And she looks at you and says, I'll buy it for you. No, you say, you can't do that. I don't need it, I was just saying I would like to have that. She'll buy it for you, she says, don't even worry about it. It's your's. And you say, honestly, I couldn't. I don't want to do that to you. And she says, really, it's no bother. And you say, no, really, I don't want you to do that. And she says, really, I insist. And you think about it, and really, it doesn't cost that much money, it's something you could pay back with a little time, and it really is very, very cool, you really do want it. You give in. Alright, you say, do it. I'll pay you back as soon as I can, though, you promise. She says not to worry. You say, oh, this is so awesome, you're so awesome, really, I can't thank you enough. I totally owe you for this one.

The second time you insist even more. Really, I don't want you to buy this, this isn't fair to you, I really don't want to owe you anything. Then she says, it's okay, it's a gift. And you say, honestly, I don't want you to do this, I couldn't even possibly think of you buying this for me. And she says, I want you to have this. Really. And sometimes you give in, or else you don't, but either way she buys it without your permission. You insist that this will be the last time, and you thank her profusely, honestly, this is so nice of you, I couldn't even think of how great you are.

A little while after this and you're pointing at things and saying, buy me that. No ifs ands or buts. Buy me that. I want that. And she does. This just makes you worse. Occasionally she won't have the money, and you get upset. Unreasonably upset. Maybe you don't throw yourself on the ground like a 4 year old, you're better than that, and maybe you say, alright, and you leave it, but inside your head you're upset, gosh, you really wanted that, and really, she didn't have to have bought those last two things, if it meant she could afford this.

And then towards the end of this relationship-- because it will end-- part of the reason you end it is because you can't stand what an asshole you've become. Good lord, did I really get that annoyed when she didn't buy me that one thing? Seriously, how the hell do I live with myself? This has got to end. And you do end it, and you revert to going back to your normal, non-asshole self, and you feel much more comfortable this way, but sometimes you'll think back to this time period and shiver. How could I have been such an asshole, you'll ask yourself.

It's a pity, but it happens.
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with love from CRS @ 10:26 AM 

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