CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
1600th ENTRY! THE BEST OF THE PREVIOUS 100 ENTRIES!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

this entry brought to you by the dodos, "joe's waltz"


Jesus Christ. The last time I did a “best of”, which, as always, was 100 entries ago, I said that it had taken far, far too long to get through 100 entries. Last time it took two months longer than average; 100 entries should take just over three months. My last “best of”, however, was a fucking year ago. It took me over twelve months just to get through three months worth of work. This makes me seriously sad. I would promise here that I will try to get my once daily page back on track, but I have said that before, and yet here we are, a year later.

But this isn’t moping time; this is “best of” time! And despite the terribly long amount of time it took just to do 100 damn entries, there were still some quality entries! Here are the best. As usual, if you want to see some more quality blog stuff, you can click here.


FUNNY/ RANDOM

You kids nowadays are too young to remember this, but there used to be a magazines with pornography in them, and those magazines used to have letters from readers with unbelievable sex stories. And the rip-offs of those particular magazines were too weird to be believed.

It’s too late to write a spec script for Seinfeld, so I’ll just share the idea I had for it. It’s a damn shame I wasn’t writing television at the time. Or really, even now.

If you’ve never been on Chatroulette, then here is a description that will sum it up perfectly. You’re welcome.

Honestly? This is one of my most favorite things that I’ve ever written. If I was given a camera and a budget to shoot one thing that I’d thought of in my 1600 entries, this would be it. Introducing Tyrell Lo Kwon-- Otherwise known as Kung-Fu Panther!

Joke lists are fun! They’re also really really hard to start writing, but the once I get two or three out, the rest come out very very quickly. Here is on about America, for the occasion of America’s birthday. Jokes are fun.

They are also fun when they’re about things to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. You betcha!

I honestly feel like most people aren’t racist. But just because that’s true doesn’t mean that a stranger’s mom won’t automatically assume two black men will rape her daughter. A surprisingly sweet tale despite this description!

It’s kind of a hack premise to make fun of Law And Order, because a million jokes have been made about it, and comedian John Mulaney has the definitive bit about it. With that said, I have my own bit about it, and how I’d like the cold open to go, just once.

I love, love, love this entry. Initially I was thinking the headline would be that Frosty the Snowman would be convicted of sexual misconduct with a minor if he were real, but then I thought, the concept there being a dark undertone to something seemingly innocent has been done before. The real funny is if there is a perceived dark undertone in something innocent, even though there is not. By the way, there was such a treasure trove of pictures of Frosty where he appeared to be doing something horrendous to a child that I actively had to pick the one that wasn’t, say, a Frosty hugging a child at crotch level, because it was just too gross.

Did I mention earlier that joke list entries are funny? Well there’s one for stuff to look forward in the new year!

...And one about New years Resolutions for 2011! And they were right next to one another! Do you know how hard that was to write? Surprisingly easy, actually!

And then there was another one a little while later because I didn’t update for a month. Sorry.

I don’t think I’ve ever admitted this before, but I think that anyone who knows me knows, without even having to be told, that this is exactly how my sexual fantasies are. Sure, it’s embarrassing, but how are you going to help what turns you on?

I don’t know how well you like The Flaming Lips, but even if you’ve never heard their 2002 masterpiece Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots, you should still click to read the awesome movie concept it has inspired in me.


SERIOUS/TOPICAL

I was talking to this girl who was a friend of a friend, not thinking the conversation was going particularly well, but definitely not thinking it was going terribly. Then she asked me what her sign was. This cannot turn out well.

One of my favorite/most hated things on the Internet is when people forward or post as Facebook statuses horribly misguided political screeds that are ignorant and factually wrong, but are just copied-and-pasted by the person because they think it sounds clever, even though it requires no actual effort to just repost something someone else marginally smarter than them said.. And I love dismantling them piece by piece. This one is about immigration.

Have you ever heard the argument against socialism made with the lemonade stand analogy? Where if Timmy made lemonade and sold it on the street, but then had to share the money with three other kids who had nothing to do with it, that that’s not fair? That analogy is deeply flawed..

Who cares if George Bush’s policies on illegal immigration were exactly the same as Obama’s? Once the Brown guy gets in, suddenly white people need to be offended at his inaction at letting different kinds of brown people into the country! And the government forced Arizona’s hand to do something about it!

In the moments that followed Gabrielle Gifford’s shooting, I was amazed that I was the only person that seemed to think that all the horrible political rhetoric had to go. And when this argument did start to get roundly said by the media, there was a backlash against it, as if we, in trying to say that the violent rhetoric had to go, that this made someone kill 13 people. This wasn’t what I was suggesting at all. I was suggesting that violent rhetoric needs to be quashed in the media, not because it definitely causes people to freak out and kill people, but just because it is fucked up. And yes, of course it influences crazy people.

I hate guns. And the Garbielle Giffords’ attempted assassination is just another example as to why.

I don’t believe in God, and while I did used to want to believe, nowadays the idea of God doesn’t comfort me at all. And frankly, the idea of Heaven is terrifying.


And I only wrote one review this past year, but if you want to hear someone stick up for Avatar, well, then, there ya go.
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with love from CRS @ 8:48 AM 

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