CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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My 40 Or So Minutes of Chatroulette

Friday, April 16, 2010

this entry brought to you by badly drawn boy, "everbody stalking"


If you look closely, you'll notice these are two different people, and are, in fact, not twins. If one of these people was an erect, masturbated penis, you'd get a perfect example of what Chatroulette is like.


By now, anyone reading this has heard of Chatroulette, has seen parodies of it, and has probably even participated in it. If you've never heard of it, however, it's incredibly simple to grasp: you have a webcam, you go to Chatroulette.com, you click a button, and you're immediately linked up to another person with a webcam, and you have a chat window. Click the button and you're whisked to another webcam person. And so on and so on. Because it's the Internet and people have tiny attention spans, you probably won't chat with anyone for more than a few seconds, and often not more than a quarter of a second, unless of course if you're a girl, in which case you might actually chat with someone for thirty whole seconds, because girls on the Internet get a disproportionate amount of attention.

It being the Internet, an enormous amount of what you will see is penises. But this really shouldn't be a surprise. What in the world is the purpose of having a webcam in the first place, if not to get naked in front of it? So I don't blame dudes that have their dicks out, really, or even the less-frequent-but-still-not-uncommon naked chick. That's not really what I thought was weird about Chatroulette. I think if you could comprehend the concept of such a thing and don't fully expect and anticipate cock for extended periods of time, you've clearly never been on the Internet before, or really understand what human beings do with anonymity.

About two weeks after I first heard about Chatroulette I decided, you know what? I'm always always late on joining in on Internet fads. I always hear about them before the bulk of people, but I always say to myself "That's interesting," then avoid participating in it until everybody else has. I decided I should probably hop in and try Chatroulette, and I did, even before Merton got huge after Ben Folds did his bit in front of a live audience.

But, this being my page and, over the past few months I've updated only sporadically, it's only now that I'm writing about it. Oh well. Better late than never.

* First of all, I should say that I don't have a webcam. The Chatroulette screen is broken into two halves, the top being the person you're looking at, the bottom is you. And the bottom screen, in my case, was just a black screen. Furthermore, for whatever reason-- I suspect it has to do with the fact that I didn't have a camera-- the "next" button wouldn't work, so I couldn't skip users, they had to skip me. And I was amazed at how long people would just stare at a blank screen without clicking "next". Of course there were college dudes that were there literally for a split second. But there was a surprising amount of people, most people, in fact-- male and female!-- who would just sit there and stare at absolutely nothing. I had gotten so used to it that I'd copied and pasted the phrase "My 'next' button doesn't work. Are you going to sit there and try and wait me out?"

* Just to be fair, I will say that in my forty minutes of sitting there, the majority of the people I saw-- probably about 65%-- were just bored college students staring at a screen, penis not in hand. There was about 10% of a creepy older people, about 10% of brace-faced underage kids giggling like toddlers-- where the fuck are your parents?!-- leaving the final 15% being penises.

* There were a ton of penises, although I was surprised that there weren't more, especially since I was playing at night time. Again, I was surprised at how many dudes would just sit there and stroke themselves when the lower screen was black. I would assume the idea of just sitting there and stroking your dick would be in hopes that you would eventually run across a girl with her boobs out, which happens, or would run across a girl willing to pull out boobs, the former of which I did in fact see. But when the lower screen is black and the dude is just sitting there stroking himself-- is he just getting off knowing that whoever it is on the black screen is getting grossed out? And I'm positive it wasn't just a video on a loop because I could see them reach over and click "next".

* The few girls I saw with boobs out did not, in fact, stay and stare at the black screen. This disappointed me.

* I was never surprised by dick already out. But it's impossible to not be caught off guard by surprise penis. The guy will be sitting there in such a way as to seem like just a dude, bored, then he'll shift his weight and boom, there's cock in your face, and even if you just saw four cocks before it without even batting an eye, surprise cock will catch you by surprise. I saw a guy sitting there and you couldn't really see where his other hand was, and it turned out it was in his pants, rubbing himself. Which I thought was odd. He wasn't so shy that he didn't want me to know he was playing with himself, but he was too shy to have cock out. Tentative perverts are the most hilarious ones.

* Just to reiterate: About 10% of the people I saw were very obviously 14 years old. I was a blank screen, and yet I still got an ungodly amount of dick just sitting there, daring me to click away, unknowing that I could not. Whenever you see a 14 year old on it, you cannot help but wonder how many cocks they've seen since they logged on, and how many of those cocks sat there, knowing they were probably 14, and didn't click away. Life is very different now than when you and I were kids. Not a social commentary, just a fact. And anyway, why does a 14 year old need to have access to a webcam?

* I was also always surprised when I saw old people. I literally would see 30-50 people under the age of 22 in the course of, like, 5 minutes, so when the odd person over 40 would pop up-- 40 being not a very old age at all, in any other context-- you suddenly felt like you were about to get raped. It got to the point where I started to wonder if I, a guy merely 31, would appear to be a rapist to a person Chatrouletting, if I'd had a webcam and the other person had been clicking through for more than 5 minutes.

* As I said, I was surprised that the most common thing was bored college students without cocks in hand. I was surprised at how many dudes had their webcam focused on their t-shirts that would have college logos on it. I understand that I'm not exactly the kind of person who ever got into school pride, but it blew my mind that someone would go out of their way to focus their camera to show how awesome their school was, and the amount of dudes I saw doing this obviously meant that there were other people who would say "FUCKING MICHIGAN STATE! WOOOOO!" when clicking on it and seeing it. Maybe there are girls who will show their boobs if they see their college?

* I have seen on-line screenshots of people wearing masks on Chatroulette. I did not get that in my 40 minutes. I did, however, come across several people with the room lit in such a way that I could not see their face, but could see that the room they were sitting in appeared to be the set of a basement in a horror movie. This creeped me out significantly.

* My favorite guy was a young middle eastern guy, who was very thin, yet was eating something, I do not know what, out of this gigantic non descript bucket. Like, it was bigger than his head. He reached into it, pulled out something, stuffed it in his face, and whatever it was was big enough that it stuffed his cheeks, as if juice were probably dribbling out his lips. He stared at me, chewing, this huge fucking white bucket in his hand, for about 15 seconds before he clicked away. He was fucking awesome.

* But the strangest thing I came away with after spending roughly 40 minutes as an anonymous black screen on Chatroulette was this: I honestly am overwhelmed with the amount of screens I've seen of, apparently, some sort of all girl party. And they're all gathered around a computer screen, giggling at random strangers, or, in fact, blank screens. And they would just sit there! Giggling! For ten, fifteen seconds! This flabbergasts me. I always assumed that when girls got together that they would, you know, go out on the town. Go see a movie and bother everyone around them with their incessant giggling and shrieking. Go to the Food Court and flirt with the guy that works at Subway to the point where he gets in trouble by his manager. Or shit, go dancing. Isn't that what chicks do? But instead I am faced with the shattering idea that everything I'd assumed about girls who get together at night, that at the very least they would have a pillow fight or something-- to know that they will sit there, endlessly amused at the shittiest, most boring forms of entertainment. I mean, right now, as you read this, imagine four more people all crowding around the screen. How is that entertaining?

And yet I would come across it time and time again. Three, four, sometimes five young cute faces, all exuberantly amused, all giggling at goddamn nothing, staring at a screen. A blank screen, might I add. All positively vibrating with anticipation at how fucking awesome it is to click on the window and see bored people staring at screens. Again, when I see bored dudes staring at screens, I can completely relate. I myself was a bored dude staring at a screen. And when I saw the most beautiful girls in the world alone, bored, staring at the screen, it still made sense-- hey, we can't always have things to do at night, we can't always have dates. But when there are five girls together-- clearly they've had the time on their schedules to organize a party!-- and the best they could come up with was staring at a laptop screen at bored dudes? Couldn't they go out and actually talk to bored dudes who at least have enough of a life to be doing something?

Seriously, girls, fucking organize your nights better.
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 Despite the fact that I found all-girl parties at least six or seven times in my forty minutes, most of them willing to stare at a blank screen for at least 10 seconds while giggling, I had a hard time finding screenshots of this with more than two girls, which I chose not to use because it wasn't a very good example of what I'm talking about. Still, they're out there.
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with love from CRS @ 8:30 PM 

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