CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2011!

Saturday, January 01, 2011

this entry brought to you by anamanaguchi, "another winter"

What??! Two joke-lists in a row?? You luck ducks you. Here is a link to last year's new year's resolutions, for more new-year-jokey goodness.


Open up for Carrot Top, and close my set with lighting my pants on fire. Walk backstage and defiantly say "Follow that, Carrot Top." That'll put that asshole in his place, once and for all.

Get cast in a reality show, so I can finally introduce that new swear word I invented into the national lexicon. I didn't slave in my basement for months over a hot band saw inventing a swear word for nothing.

Last year was the year for killing hobos. This year is the year for bathing, dressing, and feeding hobos. Then killing them.

Try every single test on Mythbusters at home. The only reason they would really say "Don't try this at home" is if they were lying and their results couldn't be duplicated.

Sell the kosher deli that I own down in the nearby Jewish neighborhood. This kosher craze is going to bottom out any day now, and I need to get out while I'm ahead.

Take up selling crack on the street corner. Not for the money, but for the sport.

Be a better person. And by "be a better person" I mean "penis enhancement pills". I'm pretty great overall, but we could all stand to be a better person, you know?

Write the worst song ever and put a danceable beat to it. It will immediately spawn an entire subgenre of dance music and take over the clubs nation wide. You're welcome, America.

Plot to kill my boss. Not because I don't like him, but isn't that what Americans are supposed to do?

Either watch that copy of "How To Give a Shit About Fucking Football" finally or send it back to Netflix. With all the money I've spent on that DVD just laying around the house I could have bet on a football game, lost, and still not have given a shit about football.
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with love from CRS @ 10:52 AM 

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