CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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JUDGE DISMISSES CHARGES OF INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL CONDUCT WITH CHILDREN AGAINST FROSTY THE SNOWMAN

Saturday, December 25, 2010

this entry brought to you by pink floyd, "wish you were here"





After a harrowing day in court, Frosty the Snowman has been released from jail with all charges dropped, having been accused of sexual misconduct with a minor.

"I just want to get back to thump-thump-thumppity-ing over the hills of snow as far away as I can possibly get and put all this behind me," said Frosty in a press conference after the case was dismissed.

"It's been a nightmare, and it made me feel as if being just as alive as I can be, like you or anybody else, isn't really all it's cracked up to be. If this is how you people treat someone you pretend to love so much you sing songs about them then, frankly, get used to saying 'Look at Frosty go.'"

Frosty the Snowman had been arrested on December 23rd on charges of sexual misconduct with Susie Jones, a minor. The police report describes Frosty as having "pinched Jones' buttocks, tackling her, and kissing her on the mouth", charges that, if sentenced, would have seen Frosty the Snowman in jail for up to seven years, or about three weeks when Frosty the Snowman would likely melt, whichever would occur first.

Judge Theodore Herzig, in his ruling, said that despite the seriousness of the charges, they were completely without merit, due to the fact that Frosty the Snowman is only three days old.

"Frosty the Snowman may appear vaguely man-like," said the judge, "but this is misleading; he is in fact an adolescent, and his actions against Susie Jones were merely the sexual experiments of a boy confused about the feelings he was having."

Concluded the judge, "Legally, there is nothing inappropriate about a young boy expressing his feelings to another young girl, even if they are unwanted. This is more a matter that should be solved by a swift butt kicking behind the school from Susie's older brother Jimmy, and not in a court of law."

"After the way I was treated by the local media," said Frosty, "being labeled a 'pedophile', being labeled a 'pervert', I just want the children of the town to think, before you go and put magic silk hats on inanimate man-like objects, think about what you might be doing to them, emotionally. I hope to not be back someday, I really do."

"Also," concluded Frosty, "Susie Jones is a big fat cootie face and just the very suggestion of liking her is totally gross! I only tackled her and kissed her because she's so dumb and I felt sorry for her!"
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with love from CRS @ 2:01 PM 

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