CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
REASONS TO BE THANKFUL 2010!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

two things: one, yes, it's been forever since i've updated, but this should-- should! mark the return of my daily blog. sorry it's been so long. two, i just read last year's "reasons to be thankful", and realized that traditionally these are supposed to be actually actual reasons to be thankful written in a funny way. i forgot the "actual" part and just went with jokes this year, and now it is far too late to make a "actual" list. oops. but hey, here's some jokes to enjoy.


The looming horror after the GOP's takeover of the House of Representatives is astronomical, not fucking astronomical.*

So far, global warming has not affected you at all, and you should be happy about that. Unless you live in someplace getting hit by hurricanes. Or tsunamis. Or blizzards. Or flooding. Or any place that relies on crops as the biggest part of the economy. Or anywhere where grain prices are going up. Or any place where you have to run the air conditioner in the summer.

Two And A Half Men will be on the year for at least another year; meaning you can then continue to judge people who watch Two And A Half Men as utterly useless automatons merely soaking up the resources better used for something else. Don't look the gift of Two And A Half Men in the mouth.

With 3D TVs, you can masturbate to a Sarah Palin speech and feel as if you're actually having sex with her. If you're into that sort of thing, you sick bastard.

America is definitely going to be taken over by Mexicans, but at least it's not those filthy Greeks with their weird noses and bad breath, am I right?

K-Mart brought back Lay Away, so your mom can get that trash can she's been eyeballing. You know, not because of the economy, but because she stank so much.

The oil spill was fucking astronomical, not fucking ass-raping astronomical.**

If there's a God, then we can't all be going to hell, right? That's got to count for something.

With the GOP back in control in the House of Representatives, we can expect even more lax gun control laws, which means we'll have plenty more opportunities to stock up for the zombie apocalypse. Of course, if that never comes, then we'll have to deal with an even more well-armed asshole militia uprisings, but that's a fair trade-off.

Obama may be a fascist Muslim commie, but at least he's not a filthy Greek, right? With their greasiness and their baby eating fetishes.

With the national sanity level at an all-time low, there's never been a better time to voice your darkest, weirdest, most perverse, most horrifying thoughts in public. Not only will somebody most likely agree with you, you might even get a few write-in votes for a general election without even knowing it.
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 *this joke is right out of previous years' entries!
**new twist on this joke, bitches!
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with love from CRS @ 4:08 PM 

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