CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Tuesday, May 08, 2012

this entry brought to you by arcade fire, "modern man"


RANDOM/FUNNY

 I like writing lists of one-liner jokes. It makes me feel good. It should make you feel good too. Here are a list of one-liner jokes vaguely related to summer activities for you to enjoy. And, just in case you didn't get enough, there's a list of how to end your summer, for even more summer fun.

We live in a nice, secure middle class neighborhood, with a lot of white, middle class people around us. And when you live in a neighborhood like this, white Christians assume that you're like them. This is almost entirely a true conversation.

Have you ever noticed that the news never cares about an unpopular kid dying? Of course you have.

When you need a job done right, there's only one man you can call. And he's always got to be pulled out of retirement to do it. Along with Kung-Fu Panther and Batman's Mistaken Identity, this is the funniest thing I've ever written.

I took three months off from updating. I have since taken even longer from updating, but still. I wrote a bunch of jokes to celebrate my return that time.

I saw a girl at Target who was kind of cute.But she had mouth herpes. It made me super sad.

I know it's not Thanksgiving when you read this, but there are always reasons to be thankful. Here are a few that were written last Thanksgiving, but are probably still useful.

I know you're sick of Christmas songs. Here's some new ones to share every Christmas. You're welcome.

You know those gigantic novelty dildos that has a chainsaw motor attached to it, and it's never actually supposed to be used by people? I know a people who not only has used one, but she bought one. And she bought it before trying it!

Getting lucky on Valentine's Day isn't as easy as just buying some chocolates. Don't worry, I've got you covered.

SERIOUS/ TOPICAL

If you look at any individual part of any animal, it looks magnificent and mind-blowing, and that it must have been designed. Except, as a whole, absolutely nothing is very intelligently designed.

Most people come home from work and just want to relax and not have to think about stuff and just consume mindless entertainment. This actually makes no sense.

Listen, I don't think everyone needs to play video games or even understand video games-- if you think they're a waste of time, fine. I just don't see how they're any more of a waste of time than anything else people waste time on.

If you've hung out with your friends at a group setting, you're probably used to what a nightmare it is taking group photos in the year 2012. I, however, have no friends, so this still blows my mind.

I'm sick of bullshit grandstanding from southern politicians, and, being from the south, am embarrassed about how this makes other states see us, even if it's not true..

I actually had a friend tell me they felt that this was a straw man argument. It is not! I have actually, with my own ears, heard real life people saying anti-bullying measures are pointless, and that, back in their day, everyone got bullied and we all turned out fine. Can you imagine!

There are some laws going around across the country saying that if you want welfare, you should have to be drug tested. Except that's not how reality works.

Did you ever find yourself defending Obama and then feel self conscious about it? If everybody went around criticizing the President for non-bullshit reasons, this wouldn't be a problem.

Sometimes people just want to be people. It helps to remember that, so you don't judge them. It's one of the most important lessons I've ever learned.

Wah! It's not fair that women can hit men but men can't hit women! Why is it that feminism has made it less possible for men to get away with dumb bullshit?
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with love from CRS @ 3:19 PM 

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