CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Super Nice Christian Invites On The Fourth Of July

Monday, July 04, 2011

this entry brought to you by future of the left, "you need satan more than he needs you"



Hi there! Excuse me, are you Celest's mom?


Why yes I am!


Well hi there! I'm Anita, Rachel's mom!


Oh hi! It's nice to finally meet you!


Yes, it's so nice. My husband and I have just been looking really forward to meeting you and your husband! It's so nice to finally get the chance!


Oh, have you? Well that' so nice to hear! I'm sorry my husband isn't here to meet you, he's at home asleep, as he works the night shift.


We've been wondering if you guys could attend our church this weekend! It would be so nice to have you!


Oh, gee. Well listen, that is so nice of you, but we ah, that's not really our thing. But thank you so much for asking, it's super nice of you guys!


Oh my goodness, where are my manners. I didn't even think-- but yes, your husband is, uhm, not caucasion. I didn't mean to offend Muslims like him, my church teaches to accept all people of all faith.


Uhm, no, actually, he's not Muslim.


Oh he's a Jehovah's Witness, is he? Well that's just super! I let a few Jehovah's Witnesses in the house and we had a wonderful discussion about the Bible! It would be great to do that at church!


Heh, no, he's not Jehovah's Witness, but--


Southern Baptist, eh? Well then at least he's been accepted by the Lord and had his sins washed away, there's no problem at all! Why in the world would he be afraid to go into our Catholic church? Southern Baptist isn't no problem at all!


Erm, no, actually. We don't-- we don't exactly go to church. It's not really our thing.


Oh... Oh. Well that's no problem at all! We don't... have to go to church. I guess. Well then... huh. Well listen, they're having this big picnic/barbecue/family thing in Chandler Park on the Fourth of July, and there will be face painting, there will be live music, free food. And you know, it's more a thing for the whole family and not so churchy, what do you think?


Actually you know what? That sounds like it might be a lot of fun! Let me ask my husband and I will get back to you!


Yeah, it'll be a lot of fun. But it's also super important that we remember and honor the veterans, because they spilled their blood for this country just like Jesus spilled his blood for us.


Yes, exactly, I-- wait, what?


I mean, it's right there on the flag! Red stands for the blood of Christ as it spilled from his writhing, agonizing body, the blue stands for Christ's blue eyes as he stared at them with mercy as they beat him down, and the white stands for his beautiful white skin! Or, alternately, the color of his knee caps once they had been flayed and the skin ripped from them.


Well uh, geez, like I said-- we're not exactly into that sort of stuff.


Oh my gosh! I apologize, did I get carried away? I'm so sorry, I know you said you're not into that stuff. But at least I'm not one of those weirdos who goes around telling people Obama is an American born Christian man who should be elected a second time for all the "good" he's done for the country and isn't the Anti-Christ, you know?
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This is based on an actual conversation that actually took place, grossly exaggerated for humor. I want to emphasize that almost nothing here is ver batim, and Michelle says the lady was super, super sweet. But the "The Veterans spilled their blood for this country like Jesus spilled his blood for us" line is an actual quote.

with love from CRS @ 12:18 PM 

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