CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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HOW TO FINISH UP THE SUMMER SEASON DURING AUGUST!

Monday, August 01, 2011

this entry brought to you by u.n.k.l.e, "nursery rhyme"


The summer is almost over! There's just one more month to go! But now that you've blown all your summer enthusiasm all over the face, neck, and chest area of June and July, you're probably having a hard time keeping a fresh outlook on the rest of August. That's where I come in! Here's the best ways to wind down the summer time while you still have the chance! And if these aren't enough, you can always repeat the ones I wrote at the beginning of summer-- or do them for the first time if you never tried!


Buy that air conditioner you've had your eye on. Now that it's marked down so low, it's the perfect time to buy it! Well, the perfect time to have bought it would have been before the summer started, like, back in March, but you're a fucking idiot, now aren't you? And another August in your hot home sure won't make you smarter!

Bathe in the blood of virgins. Not only is hunting down virgins a great way to pass the time in August, but it will make you immortal!

Hire a crack renegade special forces commando unit-- if you can find them-- to throw bad guys helluva far, and to destroy Al Gore's weather machine. Or at least have them turn it down a couple notches. I mean, seriously, 120 degrees in Minnesota?

Buy a Ginsu knife. Cut through a tin can. Then slowly cut your softest, most sensitive flesh. Just to feel something. Anything. The tin can cutting is just because you can.

Make an omelet on the side walk.

Eat the most heinous, runniest, most foul tasting, dirt covered omelet you've ever had in your life. Wish you'd just gone ahead and made one on a stove like a normal fucking person.

Masturbate to girls on chatroulette for a few hours.

Cry yourself to sleep because no girl on chatroulette will look at your erect penis for more than a quarter of a second without clicking away, bored.

Spend August learning to trust a white person. Not all of them. This is white people we're talking about here.

Head to the beach. Wonder if all the beaches in the world are the murky cesspools they are here in America.

Register a blog so you can pour out your feelings about Casey Anthony's death, and how much she meant to you as a singer. I'm not actually sure if I'm spelling that person's name right, I missed that whole thing, but she sure seemed pretty.

Continue your life as if absolutely nothing has changed, working the exact same hours, and doing fuck all on your day off because you're too tired to do anything real. Because you're a fucking adult, and summers are meaningless to adults.
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with love from CRS @ 1:23 PM 

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