CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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THINGS TO DO DURING THIS SUMMER!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

this entry brought to you by electric six, "devil nights"


If you’re poor, turn the A/C off, sit in a pair of swim trunks on your couch, and masturbate while watching Beach MTV all day; this will be an exact replica of actually being at the beach. Wait, do they even have MTV anymore?

Write a summer jam that takes the nation by storm, and blasts out the window of every car on every road. Then fail to have any career past this summer.

Pee in the pool. It’s disgusting, sure, but is there a more soothing way to pee than with water all around you?

Pee into the pool. It’s more disgusting, and it’s also less soothing, but it shows that you are a person who should not be fucked with.

Eat watermelon over and over until someone makes a racist comment, then kick ‘em in the shins. Nobody sees a shin kicking coming.

Fuck a dolphin.

Sneak inside movies. Yes, you get to see all the summer movie blockbusters while simultaneously saving money, but you really want to do it because it’s hot as shit outside, and theaters are always unbelievably cold. To make it even colder, don’t put your soda in the cup holder, put it next to your balls! It’s shrivel-tastic!

Jump in the deep end. Come on, stop being a pussy. Just jump in.

Spend June and July talking about how awesome summer is, with all the summer babes, and all the summer times. Spend the entirety of August complaining about how fucking hot it is and how the fucking sun can’t just go away and how you wish you could just go to sleep and wake up in the middle of November.

Make a pass at your mom. Because summer nights are crazy!

Check the thermometer six times daily, at the exact same times daily for the entirety of the summer. Then compare those temperatures to those during the same times for the past decade. You’ve just proven global warming, and now you’re inadvertently a godless heathen atheist. Go buy yourself a candy bar!

And, most importantly, don’t forget to enjoy the olfactory assault of Axe Body Spray! Axe Body Spray makes you more attractive to the opposite sex, and also raises your sperm count, you manly man you! Take a bath in this shit! It’s totally recommended!
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with love from CRS @ 3:02 PM 

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