CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
NEW CHRISTMAS SONGS I WROTE!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

this entry brought to you by gorillaz, "clint eastwood"


The problem with Christmas, of course, is Christmas music. I don't know why, but it's impossible to go out into public without Christmas music being forced in your ears no matter where you go. I don't know if they've done research and they've found that Christmas music makes people spend more money than just the reminder of a calendar which they already have on their phones, computers, and walls. But whatever. The real problem is that there are only around fifteen Christmas songs total, each having been done literally hundreds of times by any shitty musician desperate enough to make the most amount of money with the least amount of work.

This has got to stop. I understand that I can't convince corporate America to stop with the weird religious-themed ubiquity despite the fact that there's not a single person who actually likes it, but what I can do is write some new songs for everyone to cover over and over again into oblivion, for variety's sake. Here they are. Feel free to do your own versions of them and tell your least creative friends.

"Shove Some Christmas in Your Pipe and Smoke it You Damn Hippie"

"Christmas Time Is Here (No Escape)"

"What's So Funny About Peace, Love, and Christ's Birth?"

"Red-Red-Rudolphy-Dingle-Lingle-Coo-Coo-Ca-Christmas-a-Blammo-Gasm"

"The One Eyed, One Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater (of Christmas)"

"Christmas In Hollis (is Goddamn Depressing)"

"Santa Ain't No Homo"

"Santa Claus Won't Stop Kissing Mommy"

"I Know The Holidays Are Stressful But I Wish You a Merry Suicide"

"No One Knows What Begotten Means"

"This Christmas I Give You Cunnilingus"

"Get Your Damn Paws Off My Baby, Baby Jesus"

"This Fuck Fest Is The Best Christmas Miracle"

"Oh Holy Night Before Deeply Discounted Prices"

"Grew Up Rich, So Christmas Always Ruled"

"Let's All Try to Capture Santa Claus"

"Santa Claus is Coming (Hide the Porn)"

"I Know It's Not Easter Yet But Why Did You Forsake Him, Lord?"

"They're Going to Take Santa's Legs Because of Diabetes"


"All I Want For Christmas is Go Fuck Yourself"

"Everyone Assumes Satan Doesn't Want Christmas Presents (But He Does)"

"That Mistletoe Gave Me Mouth Herpes"

"Walking in a Nuclear Winter Wonder Wasteland"

"Let's Leave Presents Under a Six Foot Fire Hazard"

"We're Both Married in the Eyes of the Snowman God"

"My Mother The Christmas Whore"

"Merry Bad Economy, Whitey! This Christmas You're Moving Into Our Neighborhood"
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with love from CRS @ 2:24 PM 

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