The Other Opposite Side of Superhero Sexual Harrassment
this entry brought to you by the secret machines, "sad and lonely"
this is the third part in a series of sorts, which you can find here and here. this one isn't nearly as funny as the other two, which is why i'm linking to them.
Do you think Batman is gay?
What? What the hell are you talking about? He's Batman.
I'm just saying, he's always got these teen sidekicks with him. Some people say he's a child molestor, but that's wrong-- Robin isn't seven years old or anything, he's a young man. Batman is just a gay cradle robber. A little creepy, perhaps, but nothing wrong with that.
No, I do not think Batman is gay. For a few months there I was working security at the Gotham Art Museum and almost without me noticing, Catwoman slides down from the ceiling to steal something, and Batman bursts in to stop her. And they start fighting, right, but while they're fighting, they're like, telling each other these little flirty inside-jokes, you know? Catwoman would say, "Remember when we did this the last time, Batman?" And he would say, "I've been thinking about it all month," and he had this tone in his voice and kind of had this look in his eye, you know? Like, if the circumstances were different, he'd bang her.
I don't think that means anything. Even a gay man would bang Catwoman. She's hot.
Now, the Flash, on the other hand... Some jerk steals the money in my pocket, and he runs off, and I'm like, "Somebody stop that guy!", and suddenly there's a red blur, and just like that the guy is tied up in ropes and there's the Flash, handing me my money! And I'm like, thanks, and he kind of smacks my ass. And it wasn't, like, a super-fast ass-slap where I'm not sure what happens, no, he does it like at normal speed so I would know what he's doing, and he kind of winks at me. And I'm like, what the fuck? Is the Flash coming on to me? So I'm like, "Sorry, man, I'm not gay," and then he's gone.
Maybe he was joking.
For a second I thought so too, but then after he left my ass hurt real bad.
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with love from CRS @ 8:41 PM
Friday, March 31, 2006
this is the third part in a series of sorts, which you can find here and here. this one isn't nearly as funny as the other two, which is why i'm linking to them.
Do you think Batman is gay?
What? What the hell are you talking about? He's Batman.
I'm just saying, he's always got these teen sidekicks with him. Some people say he's a child molestor, but that's wrong-- Robin isn't seven years old or anything, he's a young man. Batman is just a gay cradle robber. A little creepy, perhaps, but nothing wrong with that.
No, I do not think Batman is gay. For a few months there I was working security at the Gotham Art Museum and almost without me noticing, Catwoman slides down from the ceiling to steal something, and Batman bursts in to stop her. And they start fighting, right, but while they're fighting, they're like, telling each other these little flirty inside-jokes, you know? Catwoman would say, "Remember when we did this the last time, Batman?" And he would say, "I've been thinking about it all month," and he had this tone in his voice and kind of had this look in his eye, you know? Like, if the circumstances were different, he'd bang her.
I don't think that means anything. Even a gay man would bang Catwoman. She's hot.
Now, the Flash, on the other hand... Some jerk steals the money in my pocket, and he runs off, and I'm like, "Somebody stop that guy!", and suddenly there's a red blur, and just like that the guy is tied up in ropes and there's the Flash, handing me my money! And I'm like, thanks, and he kind of smacks my ass. And it wasn't, like, a super-fast ass-slap where I'm not sure what happens, no, he does it like at normal speed so I would know what he's doing, and he kind of winks at me. And I'm like, what the fuck? Is the Flash coming on to me? So I'm like, "Sorry, man, I'm not gay," and then he's gone.
Maybe he was joking.
For a second I thought so too, but then after he left my ass hurt real bad.
------
