Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

this entry brought to you by donny hathaway, "this christmas"

Listen. Christmas Time is a fucking slog. But part of what makes it so bad is that you can't leave the house without being assaulted by Christmas music. And even if Christmas music is your favorite music in the world-- and it isn't-- the problem is there are maybe 20 songs total written about Christmas, but 7,000 different versions of those songs. There's only one solution: Armageddon. But barring that, you could just write more Christmas songs, so that there was more variety, which would help a little. For three years in a row I've written over 20 Christmas songs for you, which means there are sixty songs we can add to the canon. You're fucking welcome. Here is my previous songs from last year. They're goddamn terrific. You're fucking welcome.

"My Christmas Shoes Smell Like Christmas Dog Shit"

"Christmas Sweaters Are The Worst Christmas Gift (The Payback Song)"

"Nobody Likes a Christmas Snitch"

"Remember When You Used to Look Forward to CDs on Christmas?"

"Song About the New Made-Up Christmas Thing"

"We Gotta Stop The Feminists From Killing Baby Jesus"

"All We Need Is This Christmas Tree (and Food, Clothes, and Electricity)"

"Dat Christmas Ass (Won't Stop)"

"This Christmas, God Forgives an Abortionist"

"The Jesus Went Down to Georgia"

"Grandma Got Ran Over By Unregulated Capitalism"

"Do They Know It's Christmas? (The Even More Condescending Version)"

"This Christmas I'm Shaving My Balls"

"That's One More Year You've Done Nothing With Your Life"

"Time To Work On My Christmas Gut"

"Santa Ain't Got No Regrets"

"Christmas Cookies (Santa Can't Eat No Motherfuckin' Gluten)"

"Why Do Bad Presents Happen To Good Children?"

"Let's All Harass Ol' Mr. Snowman"

"Gay Apparrel, Figgy Pudding, Who Talks This Way?"

"All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth (A Drunken Brawler's Tale)"

"All Dressed Up For Christmas (And Where's That Weird Pee Smell?)"

"Makin' A List, Checkin' It Twice, Talkin' Some Shit"

"Nobody Sings A Song About Me (The Archangel Gabriel Song)"

with love from CRS @ 2:47 PM 


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