Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Monday, December 24, 2012

this entry brought to you by the bewitched hands, "had to cry"

Last year I did the country-- nay, the world-- a favor. A Christmas miracle, if you will. The problem with Christmas music isn't that Christmas songs are so awful-- which they are-- it's that there's so few songs. There's about twenty songs altogether that are Christmas themed, and about 1,000 versions of each song. The solution? Make more songs. So last year, I gave you twenty-three songs with which to play incessantly during the Holidays. This year I've got over thirty more. Can there be a Christmas miracle twice in two years? You bet both of your asscheeks there can.

"I Learned From You, Dad, I Learned This Christmas Cheer From Watching You"

"This Christmas I'm Jacking Off Twice!"

"Gather 'Round Yon Bloomin' Onion And Sing This Song of Cheer"

"You've Tricked Me With Mistletoe For The Last Time, Clarence Thomas"

"The Christmas Song That is Secretly a Protest Song Song"

"I Don't Believe in Santa, But I Still Believe in Cold Justice"

"It's Cold Outside, So Stay in and Get Drunk So I Can Date Rape You"

"The Christmas Song That is Actually An Old Negro Spiritual, But Changed Slightly Song"

"You're a Mean One, Christmas Cunt"

"Christmas Memories (That One Time I Found My Dad's Porno of an Elf Fucking Mrs. Claus)"

"Andrej The Red-Nosed Bookie"

"The Christmas Song With Spanish Lyrics White People Tolerate Song"

"Cute-Name The Merch Selling Holiday Thing"

"All The Jews I Know (Do Christmas)"

"Motherfucker, Let's Do This Christmas Thang, Sheeeeeit!"

"Fat Chicks Need Love on Christmas Too"

"There's a War on Christmas, So Let's Go Kill the Secularists"

"Christmas Babies All Up In You"

"The Song Where Another Creepy Lady Sings Breathily About Santa Claus Song"

"Santa's Elves Stole All Those Playstation 3s They Gave To You"

"Jesus Ain't Just for Christians No More"

"The Year Jesus Co-Opted Commercialism"

"Little Jimmy Lost His Legs in the War on Christmas"

"That Funky Ass Christmas Smell"

"The Inexicable Sad Christmas Song That Still Gets Played Everywhere You Shop Song"

"The Old Timey Christmas Song With Lyrics That Make No Sense When You Stop To Think About Them Song"

"Christmas Dry Humpin'"

"Here Comes Santa Claus With All His Amazon Gift Cards"

"Shoot Your Yule All Over My Face"

"I Gave My Present to You to Someone Else (Pictures of My Cock)"

"Go Go Mighty Morphin' Baby Jesus"

"That Santa's Elf Looks Like Satan"

"Voulez Vous Christmas Avec Mois?"

"I'll Be Home Late on Christmas (Make Sure The Kids Are In Bed So We Can Fuck)"

"You're a Bad Parent For Letting Your 12 Year Old Believe in Santa"

"The Life And Death of Christmas Puss"

"Weekend Dad's Gonna Put Your Mom's Presents to Shame This Christmas"

with love from CRS @ 2:16 PM 


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