CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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15 FACTS ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY

Sunday, March 23, 2008

this entry brought to you by the bronx, "history's stranglers"


If you cut off a human limb, it will not grow back. Nobody knows why.

Hair continues to grow for up to four months after death. Freshly dug up bodies often have full beards even if buried cleanly shaved.

35% of humans are incapable of using their brains for anything other than basic motor skills to feed and clothe themselves, and for talking about football. You know which ones I'm talking about.

The average adult human has exactly 300,023 bones. The only man to have ever broken all of them was President Grover Cleveland.

The digestive systems of Americans have evolved sentient thought. And they fucking hate you.

Even the female nipple, factually the most beautiful object in the entire universe, looks really gross when magnified 1000x, so don't try it.

The average human heart stops beating an accumulative 10 minutes over a lifespan for "me time".

The average adult can live for three minutes without lungs, but that would fucking suck.

The average adult male hands have evolved specifically for choking a motherfucker after they have slept with your wife. This is why they fit perfectly around his throat.

Human beings are 76% liquid, yet they are flammable. Figure that out.

Modern female buttocks have evolved to the size and shape that other brothers can't deny, and also so that even white boys got to shout.

Quality violin strings are often made from human hair. The best quality sound comes from strings made of the hair of virgins who were unwilling participants.

Women's brains are only good for cleaning dishes and nagging. Am I right, men?

78% of ex- significant others have black hearts that pump cold, thick blood. However, since the heart's only purpose is to pump nutrients to the rest of the body and has nothing to do with behavior, they are still capable of emotion, sensitivity, compassion, and empathy, just like the rest of us-- they just treated you that way because you're an asshole.

Men who masturbate too much can cause penis sores, genital discomfort, a decreased sperm count, and an increased chance of prostate cancer. Women who masturbate too much are awesome.
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on this day last year usually i don't give entries a 5 out of 5 if they're so short-- but i thought this entry was so spot-on in its satire and so funny in its humor that i had to do it.
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with love from CRS @ 11:17 AM 

1 Comments:

I laughed out loud (aren't you super glad I didn't type "lol'd"? ;) ) to a lot of these. The last entry was the greatest, by far. Then I liked all the ones with cynical endings ("...because you're an asshole" and "And they fucking hate you."). And the 'virgins' one wouldn't have been quite so funny if it weren't for the last four words of that sentence. In the words of my father to my mother that I had the misfortune of overhearing, "You still got it, baby!" :)

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