CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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12 Facts About the Irish!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

this entry brought to you by yoav, "club thing"


I've done a lot of exhaustive research on Ireland and the Irish for the past few weeks in honor of St. Patrick's Day, which is tomorrow. I'm very happy to finally reveal the fruits of my research!


* Just for laughs, every 100th pint of Guinness is poisoned annually on St. Patrick's Day. This goes unnoticed, because the amount of deaths this causes is still minuscule compared to drunk-driving car accidents, death by drunken fights, and general alcohol poisoning on that same day.

* The Irish invented the entire concept of policing. This is why in old films and cartoons, policemen are always depicted as baton twirling Irishmen. Before the Irish came along, crime was only stopped by various horrific plagues.

* Though not vampires, the Irish must concentrate very hard to cast a reflection.

* Irish accents make a woman 80% wetter than the exact same voice spoken without an Irish accent. And if that voice belongs to somebody like George Clooney, but with an Irish accent, that's really wet.

* Leprechauns do exist. However, they do not necessarily wear green. They are not magical. And they're not necessarily small in stature. And they don't have pots of gold.

* 67% of Irish women are scientifically proven to be absolutely the most beautiful women in the world. The remaining 33% are strong enough to lift an entire barrel of alcohol right up over their head as if it were nothing. Either way, both are biologically ideal mates, depending on what kind of family you're planning on having.

* In some places in the world, St. Patrick's Day is celebrated by painting the Town Drunk green from head to toe, and forcing him to drink himself into a stupor while derisively calling him "Mickey". Once he comes to, the festivities continue with a teary and sensitive intervention.

* Don't look an Irish in the eyes and bare your teeth at him. This will be taken as an act of aggression, and the Irish will attempt to defend himself by spewing a long string of funny sounding obscenities at you.

* The Irish are often afflicted with freckles. Scientists are baffled by these strange skin blotches and have no idea what causes them.

* No Irish girl's carpet matches the drapes. If you see one that does, the appearance is caused by an ancient Celtic spell that is passed on from mother to daughter from generation to generation. If viewed at specific angles, you can sometimes see its natural, non-matching color.

* Surprisingly, the ratio of people who eat Irish by biting off the head first and those who bite the legs off first is about the same.

* If you ever go to Ireland and see the Loch Ness Monster, tell her she's in the wrong fucking country.
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 for more factual information about a culture, check out 10 little-known facts about japan! you'll be glad you did.
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with love from CRS @ 10:29 AM 

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