CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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The Invention That Would Change All of Mankind

Friday, May 11, 2007

this entry brought to you by the noisettes, "don't give up"


You know what would be great? If when we were born, we were assigned a little remote control, kind of like a car alarm or a garage door opener. There would be two buttons. Whenever you found yourself having just completely wasted your time, you'd press the button. And when I say "waste time", I don't mean like when you realize that it's getting late and you haven't done laundry, and you gather up all your clothes, throw them in the car, drive all the way to the laundromat, only to realize they're already closed. That's not the kind of wasted time I mean. I mean when, for example, it's 3 in the morning and you're switching channels on the TV, settling for about two minutes on a paid advertisement, only to turn, settle on another paid advertisement for a moment, then go back and forth between two paid advertisements and a soft-core porno on Skinemax where the plot is so bad you can't possibly sit through it but don't want to miss the good stuff. That kind of wasting time. If you realize you just absolutely positively did nothing fruitful with the time you just spent, you could press a button, and it would donate your time to someone else you really needs it. Say you just spent 3 minutes staring out the window for no reason. You could press the button, and maybe someone who was taking a test with a really horrendously strict time limit who just needs a few more minutes to finish can press a button and boom, be awarded those few minutes he desperately needs. If you find yourself watching a porno where none of the women are very attractive and the sex is bad, yet you force yourself to rub one out anyway, you could press a button, and maybe someone that's rushing to the bathroom with a bad case of diarrhea who would've otherwise exploded in his pants just before sitting down presses the button and has more than enough time to get there, calmly take off his pants like someone with dignity, sit down, and relieve himself. I don't really know what kind of technology would be needed for such a device, but I think maybe we can take some of these engineers studying on how to make the ultimate chicken baker that makes chicken the juiciest, yet takes off the most fat, and put them on a project like this, which is much more likely to improve lives.
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on this day last year this might sound terrible, but women don't look their best at weddings.
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with love from CRS @ 8:45 AM 

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