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FIRST AMENDMENT NUTS RALLY FOR EXCESSIVE FREE SPEECH IN PUBLIC PLACES
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A Texas free speech group has released a public announcement, rallying its members to publicly demonstrate their free speech rights by "entering local restaurants and private businesses brandishing large phalluses and swearing loudly, fuck shit cock cunt motherfucker." The idea, said the announcement, was to encourage local politicians to enact looser free speech laws, which the group has felt has come under too much fire lately after a series of mass insultings that have spiked throughout the country lately, offending over 100 in the last year alone in schools and malls in 2014 alone.
The group, which calls itself Open Speech Texas, is one of many groups nationwide that advocate for excessive freedom of speech. Stating officially that they do not intend to offend anyone, nor to disrupt daily life, Open Speech Texas says that they merely want their members to demonstrate that "free speech should never have any limits whatsoever under any circumstances and should be celebrated in every way conceivable, fuck shit cock cunt motherfucker."
Despite openly pledging to not disrupt daily life, the free speech advocates have come under fire from businesses throughout the state who have refused service to them for bothering other patrons with their slogans of "Shit Fuck Cock Motherfucker Cunt" and holding up signs that say "If You Think My Free Speech Stinks, You Should Smell My Fuck Shit Cock Motherfucker Cunt".
Members have stirred controversy by walking into a San Antonio Chili's wearing t-shirts depicting animals having sex, carrying loaded, fully automatic dildos, as well as holstered pocket pussies and by loudly swearing, causing complaints from customers. Ultimately, a statement from the Chili's corporation was released asking its patrons to please leave their paintings made of menstrual blood and loudly told rape jokes at home. At a Houston Denny's, members of Open Speech Texas were refused service after they loudly mocked a wheelchair bound customer, repeatedly calling him the r-word, as well as indiscriminately referring to waitresses as racial slurs.
On Friday, a video went viral of a free speech advocate rushing into a crowded theater in Fort Worth shouting "Fire!"
"This is America," said the Open Speech Texas member in the video before his stunt, "and in America I excessively exercise my right to say anything I want ever, even when in a private business that has not given me permission to, or when its presence causes public concern or its misuse could cause the injury or death of innocent people, fuck shit cock cunt motherfucker." The video ended with the man loudly threatening to assassinate the President of the United States.
Democratic state leaders have announced their support for Open Speech Texas. State Representative Peter Graham arrived at a press conference brandishing a flag with a smear of shit on it, telling reporters that voters in the great state of Texas are tired of the assumption by those on the other side that "just because someone chooses to exercise their right to free speech doesn't mean that they're doing so irresponsibly. And as long as someone uses it with care, there's no reason not to be able to walk into churches, restaurants, parks, or schools showing pornographic videos to people who don't want to see it, or spreading false, libelous information about innocent people. This is America, after all, and the constitution guarantees absolutely no limits on free speech, fuck shit cunt cock motherfucker."
Opponents of the controversial movement claim that the organization's open threats and loud swears are just intimidation tactics, used to bend the country in a direction that the average American does not agree with.
Founder of Mothers For Reason Against Insanity, Bernadette Daniels told the press when asked for comment, "Although America is founded on freedom and that our most sacred right is our freedom of speech, there should be reasonable limits to speech, especially speech that directly harms people. In fact, a majority of Americans support such reasonable limits on speech, and understand that the word 'random' does not mean chaos."
Open Speech Texas has responded to criticisms by posting effigies of its opponents and burning them while quoting Thomas Jefferson, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants fuck shit cock motherfucker cunt ass."