Chandler, Arizona, United States
There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .
Shelby, The Girl Who Was My First Kiss, Pt 1
with love from CRS @ 10:15 AM
this entry brought to you by haim, "my song 5"
(sometimes I write things because I can find a theme and lead it to a point where I'm saying something larger. other times I just write for posterity. this is one of the latter)
Her name was Shelby Bernard, and the first time we laid eyes on one another, we clashed.
My best friend from 5th grade to Sophomore in high school was Tim Call. His younger sister was Jenn, who was a year younger than us. Being around them all day every day, Jenn and I were ourselves very much like brother and sister. The ratio of times we annoyed the shit out of one another outnumbered the times we adored one another, but we still had a very, very close older-brother's-best-friend relationship.
Jenn was having a pool party, which of course meant that I was there. She had around eight friends over, including her best friend Shelby, who had brought along her boyfriend Joe. These being annoying 14 year olds, Shelby and Joe saw license to make out the entire time, and me being me, as well as a year older, I made fun of them constantly. Being the rebellious, prickly girl she was, Shelby tried to be up in my face the entire time about what a horrible asshole I was, attempting to escalate my general disregard of her love of her dumb boyfriend to much more than what I thought it was worth. Frankly, I thought it was funny, and my older-brother's-best-friend's bemusement never went into genuinely arguing with this girl.
About a month passed, and Shelby was over at their house with another friend. Jenn's attitude toward me could change drastically and suddenly, but today she was in "Chris is my buddy and I love him" mode, and her giggles at my jokes and her playfulness seemed to melt Shelby's initial cold eyed glare until she too was giggling uproariously at me and telling me I wasn't actually as bad a guy as she had thought.
She was cuter than I had originally noticed. Like a cartoon character, Shelby's entire emotional state showed in her eyes, and the time I had spent with her before she was all ice cold, furious glares. I hadn't really put much thought toward her. She seemed white trash-y, and beyond that, a child.
Now, though, with her demeanor eased up and her giving me huge grins, her big, blue eyes wide and sparkling, she seemed positively the cutest. She was short, definitely shorter than Jenn. Blonde hair, just past her ears, and the type that would curl a little when wet but easy to tame. She had a tall, Christina Ricci-like forehead, but it only framed her big, beautiful blue eyes. And, of course, I couldn't help notice, plump, kissable lips. She was a doll. Within an hour she had eased up and sat herself next to me. To my surprise, once her energy change I rather enjoyed her.
Shelby and I spent the night at Jenn and Tim's apartment that night. I remember we played Strip Poker, but it was the type of game of Strip Poker a group of teens have where absolutely nothing is seen, ever. A game of Truth or Dare where absolutely nothing real happens.
We took our places on Tim's floor that night, and I remember being pleasantly surprised Shelby had darted next to me to set up a place on the floor next to where I was laying. We stayed up that night chatting, I don't remember what. I remember her eyes looking deep into mine in the night and whispers, giggles as everyone else slept around us.
Nothing happened that night. I didn't expect it to. By this point in time I had just turned 15, and I had noticed that girls were paying much more attention to me than they ever had before. I wasn't nervous around girls. I knew how to act around them. But I also felt like this would never get me anywhere-- I was the last of my friends to kiss a girl save Tim, and it seemed like my "Be cool and be you" way of going about things was a great way to get girls to pay attention when they had not paid attention a year before, but was hopeless at actually get any sort of, you know. Girlfriend. Which, honestly, didn't bother me that much. As a nerdy, yet outgoing kid, I was perfectly content with just being near them, with them feeling comfortable around me.
I woke up at some point in the middle of the night with snoring in my ear, to find that Shelby's head wasn't just near my ear, but was directly on my pillow, her body under my blanket pressed against me, her arms curled upward, hands on my chest. She seemed like an angel. A loud, obnoxiously snoring angel, but an angel nonetheless. I despise when I don't get sleep, and I considered trying to get her to roll the fuck over, but I wisely decided against it. I was afraid waking her up would make her self conscious of laying this close to me, and ruin the connection we were having. The girl would have to snore in my ear, I would just have to put up with it.
I also remember being outright surprised at her head on my pillow. Had she done this on purpose at some point during the night? When we had gone to sleep she was under her own blanket, on her own pillow. If she'd done this on purpose, it was awful ballsy of her; after all, there were other people in the room who could wake up before us and see us lying there together. But if she hadn't done it on purpose, it meant that she was simply comfortable enough around me to naturally get this close to me. Either way was earth-shattering. As comfortable as I'd gotten around her over the course of the day, I had never in a million years anticipated a blonde girl pressed up against me, sleeping comfortably, hands on my chest, like she belonged there. Snoring like a motor or not.
Her body stirred next to mine at 6 in the morning and it woke us both. The sun was just now coming over the horizon and peeking through the window, and we stared in each other's eyes, giggling, trying not to wake everyone else up, partially just out of courtesy, but partially because we wanted this alone, together.
A peculiar thing happened that morning. As we lay there on the floor, bodies pressed together and staring into one another's eyes, we began to whisper what we had each just dreamt, and, somehow, we were describing the same dream. We were simultaneously explaining it, cutting one another off, finishing each other's sentences. It was bizarre, and something that's never happened since. Now obviously, I don't think there was anything metaphysical or psychic going on; we were both hormonal teenagers who had had the exact same day, so it makes sense that when we described them to one another, the specifics having been lost by the mere fact of waking up, that they would sound similar enough to be the exact same story. But at the time I didn't know what to make of it. It was enormous, it was epic. I'd never heard anyone tell me this had ever happened to them before, and if it solidified whatever bond was growing between us that day.
Another month passed. Tim and Jenn's mom was going to take us all out to a water park for the day, and we were allowed to spend the night the day before. Shelby attached herself to me and I to her the entire day. We were inseparable, constantly looking over at one another with long, lustful gazes. I don't remember her being especially giggly that day, I just remember a day full of her big, blue eyes gazing at me every time I looked up. We were attached at the hip.
The night grew on, and the group began to get exhausted. I remember we were all watching TV in Tim's room and Shelby had draped a blanket over the two of us. This seemed a bold move, yet no one seemed to particularly notice. The entire day had gone this way. Shelby and I were falling head over heels with one another, and the rest of the group seemed oblivious. Any other time in my young life, when there was something going on between two people in a group, whether positively or negatively, the dynamic of the group felt different. The energy felt different. Yet Shelby and I were growing closer and closer, and nobody seemed to notice. Its not that I wanted to keep it a secret, but I felt comfortable just letting things grow at their own pace with her, rather than having to worry about what the others were thinking, because nobody seemed to be thinking anything about it. We were around a group of friends, yet we were in our own world together.
I reached over to place my hand on her leg under the blanket. I felt a another leg press down on my hand. Somehow, my hand wasn't on her leg at all, but between her thighs. I looked at her. She didn't look back me, only squeezing her thighs together in response.
As the lights went out and everyone around us fell asleep, we stared into one another's eyes. There wasn't a lot of whispering this time, just Shelby and I laying still, pretending to be asleep, listening for movement around us to stop.
(cont'd… tomorrow, because my god, this story got long)