Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

I Don't Believe in Lying to Kids About Santa

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

this entry brought to you by torres, "when winter's over"

I honestly do hate the whole teaching your kids about Santa bullshit. It's not just that I'm not into the Santa thing, it's that I actively despise it, and now that I'm a parent, I find the idea that parents just keep perpetuating it to be absolutely bizarre. It's a weird tradition. It really is.

And when I say I hate teaching kids about Santa, even parents that don't do the Santa thing kind of shrug and say that they don't understand what upsets me so much about it.

It's lying to my kids, that's what upsets me so much about it. And I don't care if it's a fun lie, or a magical lie, or whatever, it's a lie. And children, their minds growing and learning every day, start to question things immediately, and parents just make up more lies on top of their previous lies. At a certain point it has nothing to do with keeping kids' imaginations alive or whatever bullshit parents say, it's about you, dude. If your child is questioning things, he's ready to have answers for those questions, and you just keep going on because you aren't ready for your child to grow past whatever infantile place you think they should be in.

"Enh, I think you're making too big of a deal about it," they say.

See, here's the thing. When you lie about something to convince someone of a nontruth and it serves no purpose but to bring you pleasure, that's not pretending, that's a prank. You're pranking your kids. You don't think you are, but think about all the other times in your life when you continue a con for an extended period of time, it was a prank. You let your friend in high school believe the pretty girl had a crush on him not for his benefit, for him to believe in the magic of high school love, you did it because you were pranking him. You didn't let your coworker believe the boss was mad at him for that little mistake he had so he could believe in the magic of inner-office communication, you did it because you thought that shit was hilarious.

It's not that I have a problem with Santa. If we all say up front, there is no Santa, I buy the presents, and I do it because I love you, then everybody's on the same page. Now we can all pretend there's a Santa, now that we know everybody's pretending. I eat the cookies too. I sign the note "Ho Ho Ho, thanks for that Egg Nog!" But we all know we're all pretending, just like we know we're all pretending when I'm a giant monster who eats his children, or when we pretend mommy and I are sick of our kids and we're going to sell them. Everybody is having the exact same kind of fun.

When you mention any of these things to grown-ups, their response is usually along the same lines. "I was taught to believe in Santa and I turned out fine. I wasn't upset."

Well, define "Upset". Because I was not taught to believe in Santa. My mom told me there was no Santa, and to not be an asshole about it. My mom told me to not ruin it for other kids, that that wasn't my place.

From my perspective, one year everybody was talking about Santa. The next year nobody was talking about Santa. And I don't mean they were saying "Hey, remember Santa? Man, that was fun, right?" It was this topic that nobody talked about, like a bad relationship people are embarrassed they ever got stuck in. Like that horrible ex everybody has that just becomes a verboten topic because of weird energy. And if you did mention it, they'd go "Psh. Santa's for stupid idiots and dumb little kids. I don't believe in that shit. Psh."

Like a scorned ex lover. "I didn't like that bitch anyway. Her pussy floppy. Like sticking my dick in a glass of water!"

Yes, everybody was "fine" in that nobody went on a murdering spree. Nobody lost touch from reality and locked themselves in their rooms, never to be seen in public again. You could honestly say this about most negative experiences. Yes, my brother was killed in a tragic car accident at the age of 10, but I turned out fine. Yes, my mother was a drug addict who died from an overdose, but I turned out fine. People bounce back from a lot of things. That doesn't mean we should go around lying to children for the pleasure of absolutely no one but the liar just because people bounce back from most things.

But I think the most weird part about the Santa thing that people talk about is they want their kids to believe in "That Christmas Magic". Or they say something about activating kids imagination, as if imagination is a thing children are lacking and you have to force-feed it to them in order to get it going.

That Christmas Magic. Like it's somehow not magical that your parents are wonderful people who, throughout the year, pay attention to the things you're into, the things you say you want, and instead of just getting you everything on your list, they seek to surprise you and find the absolute perfect thing, that thing that you didn't even know you wanted, or hell, even the thing you knew you wanted but thought there was no way in the world you could get. Somehow the real life magic of Christmas, which is tangible and beautiful, is unsatisfactory to a child's mind, and instead they need to be forcefed this weird nonsense.

Frankly, I think the Santa myth isn't just disgusting, it's also condescending to kids. It doesn't give them enough credit.

with love from CRS @ 2:31 PM 


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