Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

A Post Script About Yesterday's Entry

Monday, November 11, 2013

this entry brought to you by glasser, "keam theme"

I think of Damien and his brother coming to kick my ass from time to time, but when I do, it's the specific moment of Damien's brother sighing impatiently and asking if they were ever going to fight me. But in order to write the entry, it made a lot of sense to explain why they were going to kick my ass, and how fucking stupid it was. Which meant explaining Kim.

In the scheme of things, Kim was a blip on the radar, and I don't actually think of her often. Still, when I think back to the days I spent with her that summer when I was 16, they were super nice, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I was quickly developing a crush on her. Just not anywhere near the size of the crush on all the other girls I had a crush on.

And it occurs to me, since I've been thinking about her a lot for the first time in years: Chris, that girl expected you to ask her out after she dumped Damien.

In retrospect, it only makes sense. When she showed up to the mall out of nowhere, she made a beeline toward me, sitting next to me where ever we went. We went to Claire's Boutique and she bought me a Best Friends ring, which fit so horrifically tightly that it cut off my circulation and I immediately took it off the moment she wasn't around, and never had the heart to tell her that. And when I told her what a scumbag Damien was, she gushed about how I was the greatest guy in the world, tears nearly in eyes, and she dumped him that very day and called me to tell me that she had. And about a week after she dumped Damien, she stopped showing up to the mall.

It's not that I didn't ask her out because I was disinterested. It's that I literally didn't even think that this was a possibility. It never occurred to me. Not even a little.

Have you ever read Heavy Metal magazine? Or perhaps seen the animated movie, Heavy Metal? It's a grown up animated movie, has boobies and sex in it? Well, it's based on a magazine of the same name. It is a sci-fi/fantasy graphic magazine, meaning it's basically a comic book in a magazine format. It's got short stories made by various international comic book artists, and the stories are generally sci-fi and fantasy themed, but not always. The subject matter varies between hilarious comedies to erotic fiction to serious, deep, psychological stuff. There have been some really fucking amazing stories in Heavy Metal that have really stuck with me.

There was one that I remember; super moody, very serious tone. It was about a man who was once a simple scientist, and he's spent years working on this one project. Every single day. Years. Its gone past a simple project he's working on to a complete obsession. He's gone mad with it. He even makes a devilish, super-villain like costume that he he begins to wear, a manifestation of his descent into madness.

Finally, we learn that this entire time he's been working on a time machine. Finally, he's gotten it to work-- it's incomplete, as it stands, he can only stay in the time he travels to for a few seconds, but it doesn't matter-- he needs to do this now, he can't possibly wait any longer, now that it works.

He gets in the time machine, flips the switch, disappears.

We cut to him as an awkward, geeky teen. He is sitting on a couch next to an amazing, buxom girl. There are open books and papers placed about; it's obvious he's helping her with her homework. And currently, her hand is on his lap. He's staring at it, gulping, sweating profusely.

And POP! The scientist appears, in full super-villain gear, and he shrieks, "FUCK HER BRAINS OUT YOU GODDAMN PUSSY!"

Disappears, pops back into his own time and promptly disintegrates.

Turns out that as a teenager, a horrible demon spawned in front of him, tempting him to sin. Terrified, he refused and remained celibate, dying alone and lonely in his thirties, completely erasing the scientist's existence.

I feel like if I had a time machine, the only thing stopping me from going back in time and telling myself to fuck more chicks is this exact story.

In Kim's specific example, it's not that I think that there was a direct correlation between her obviously wishing I would ask her out and getting into that sweet, sweet poontang. And maybe I would talk to my 15 year old self and I'd say "Kim?? She's cute, and she's sweet, but she's way too naive. I need someone with more edge."

And you know what? That would be fine. But I would like to at least be able to point to her and say "Chris, for the love of God, this girl expects that you made her break up with her boyfriend so you could then ask her out." It would be nice to at least have 15 year old Chris be aware that this was a thing. It would be nice to say "Hey, dummy. What are you, stupid? Look at her. Look! Do you think chicks look at everybody like that?"

Now, with at least four or five other girls, yeah, I should tell myself to fuck their brains out, what the hell is wrong with me.

with love from CRS @ 11:02 AM 


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