Chandler, Arizona, United States
There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .
WAYS TO BEAT THE HEAT SUMMER 2013!
with love from CRS @ 1:31 PM
this entry brought to you by miike snow, "animal"
Conserve water by bathing in the remains of kids' wading pools and Slip n' Slides. Please note, in some states this is considered a sex crime.
Rotten egg or not, go ahead and be the last kid in the pool. In fact, only jump in the pool when nobody is looking. You wouldn't want the girls to see your jiggling fat kid boy boobs, would you?
Wanna scope out some hot bods? All the barsluts at your local drinkhole will be dressed suuuuper sexily now that it's summer! As opposed to all the other times of the year, when barsluts are dressed super conservatively.
Summer camp boredom got you down? Sneak into the all-girls camp across the river and spy on them! That way you'll learn that girls are even more fucking obnoxious when they think they're alone than they are when they're around boys.
Come up with the most ridiculous untrue rumors you can think of how to have sex with a girl without getting pregnant, then spread them around to everyone you know. When school starts in the fall, see which girls mysteriously do not show up. Now everyone knows they are sinners!
Jacuzzi sex? Ooh yeah! It's like fucking in a smoldering soup of everyone else's filfth!
At the movies with a hot date? Cut a hole in the bottom of your popcorn and stick your erect penis inside, badly burning it from the scalding hot butter and air-popped popcorn! She'll feel such pity for your mangled dick that she might not pepper spray you after unwittingly touching it.
Camping in the mountains with your youth group is a great way to make memories that will last a lifetime. To make sure you have memories you'll truly never forget, play "I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours" games in your tent loud enough for everyone in all the other tents to hear you.
Ladies, want a delicious beach drink, but don't have to ruin that beach bod? Try Corona Light's new Berry Mixers, a delicious blend of that wonderful Corona taste with flavors you'll love, with none of the calories of other mixed drinks! Try all the different varieties! Corona Berry Blends! You'll never have to worry again!
Fellas, you clearly don't give a shit about your beach bods because diet drinks are for girls! Carry on being your fat fuck selves!
Fireworks illegal where you live? Spend the whole summer smoking pot in your friend's basement. What the fuck else are you supposed to do in that shithole town?
During the hottest day of the summer, at the hottest point of the day, barge in on your parents doing it. This will remind them of that one summer day in their youth when they barged in on their parents doing it. Ah, memories.
Call up your dad and tell him you're rooting for his least favorite baseball team, and that you never liked the team he likes. The pain and shock he'll feel will make up for all those times he fucked someone other than your mother.
All night trip to Vegas, bro!! The beds and pillows there are very comfortable, and you'll need the rest after spending all night driving to Vegas!
Frequent flier miles all built up? Summertime is the best time for them to explode all over your face, breasts, and buttocks.
All of your friends being disappearing one by one, being tortured, and then killed? It probably has less to do with that person you ran over last summer and swore to never, ever mention again, and probably has a lot more to do with your Ed Hardy shirts, flip-flops worn in public, and your awful, awful taste in music. Frankly, you deserve it.