Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

Magic is Not Real, And You Are Stupid For Thinking So

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

this entry brought to you by fun, "we were young"

I have a religious friend-- I've mentioned her dozens of times on this page-- who came to me, knowing I'd get a kick out of this, because I'm an atheist. She had been talking to her church friend about movies, and mentioned that the kids and her had just seen Disney's The Princess and the Frog, and that they liked it.

Her friend responded that she took the kids out of the theater and asked her money back with that movie. Because it had magic.

"...But magic isn't real," I told my friend.

And more and more of it just didn't make sense. Wait, so she regularly takes her kids to see cartoons, otherwise she wouldn't have gone to the theaters. So the magic bothered her, but the talking fish in Finding Nemo didn't? The animals in Kung Fu Panda stand up and walk around, but that didn't bother her? The make believe magic bothered her?

This is a huge pet peeve of mine with certain conservative parents. If you're going to just be an asshole about make-believe, you can sit there with the channel turned to the Christian Network and watch shitty Bible Cartoons all day-- and I don't mean they're shitty because they're based on the Bible, I mean they are shitty because they are made for very, very little money, and the animation and storytelling are fucking awful. But if you're taking the kids to movies, then your kids understand that stories are make-believe, and that the things on screen, even if they represent something that happened, didn't really happen, right? So the magic is fake, and they know it, but somehow you're still afraid of it?

And it's not just about The Princess and the Frog, it's Harry Potter, it's anything having to do with magic these people are afraid of, even in the context of fictional stories, and I don't understand it. I do not understand how you can be a grown fucking adult and still afraid of magic. Magic is not real. No part of it is. If you have been alive on the planet long enough to reach adulthood, you should have noticed that the universe works on a system of governing rules, and magic is not part of that, and you are fucking stupid if you don't understand that.

But. If you are stupid enough to be afraid of magic, you should be aware that there are dummies out there stupid enough to believe in magic as well, who practice it. But what you should know is that real dummies who practice magic do not pull out wands and say fake Latin words and lightning shoots out and you turn into a cat. You should understand, even as a person who believes in magic, that even people who practice magic are incapable of getting on a Nimbus 2000 and floating around, and cannot produce fireballs.

Magic in real life involves chickens being split open and their guts being spilled over cat feces that is on fire. And that shit's in the Bible. But it's not real either.

But the kicker, to me, the real kicker is that if you are a grown adult who is afraid of magic, then you do not believe in the power of your God. If God is real, and you are a follower of that God, he will protect you from the chick who bought her magic book at the same place she bought her giant candle that's shaped like a dolphin. If you truly have faith, if your God is who he says he is, why would you be afraid of some dumb-dumb's stupid magic? Wouldn't your God, at the very least, protect you, or at the most, put them in a car accident for trying to play in His domain?

If you literally think you can watch Harry Potter and then wake up years later worshiping Satan, then either you secretly don't believe in your God, or you don't believe your God is all loving and all powerful.

And if you think your child can tell the difference between reality and talking fish, but will somehow get confused by the part in a cartoon where a Louisianian frog can turn into a dude, then your child is much, much smarter than you are, and you should be forced to turn in your grown-up card.

with love from CRS @ 8:30 AM 


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