Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

I Want To Live In A World Where I Can Never Stop Shooting Bad Guys

Thursday, January 17, 2013

this entry brought to you by m o o n, "paris"

I hate guns. Utterly. I think we shouldn't have them. If there was a button to make them all go away forever, I would press it. A bunch of times.

With that said, I fucking love this fantasy world that right wingers keep talking about. Are you kidding me? A world where absolutely everybody has guns at all points in time, and good guys always know who the bad guys are no matter what, no matter what the situation, no matter how chaotic things are, where I am trained to perfection and always frosty, alert, and ready, and never under any circumstances miss or fire nonlethal shots? Fucking sign me the fuck up!

I hate guns. But if this world were real, killing bad guys is literally all I would do. Every night on the news you'd see a top story, "Ever Vigilant Citizen Chris Waites Blows Away Another Thirteen Bad Guys". And they would interview me and I'd say "Well I'm always armed no matter what, and even though everybody else is armed at all times, when shit goes down I can always immediately tell who the good guys with guns are and who the bad guy with guns are, and I never make a mistake. Even in situations where you would not expect me to be able to tell what's going on, like in a crowded, loud theater in the dark, I am immediately ready for bad shit and can react with pin point accuracy."

"Even when I am in a situation where my priority should be educating a group of children," I would say, "I am always frosty, able to identify any threat, and able to react at a moment's notice of hostility. I am able to this because my hands are always full with loaded weapons, and I never have to reach anywhere to retrieve them and can always pull off an unerring killshot, because although I am just a civilian, I am trained better than military soldiers, who you will note also never accidentally kill an innocent person in crossfire."

I hate bad guys. And while I'm not okay with killing, if this was the world we lived in where good guys could just kill bad guys and there was never any question that I was the good guy and always in the right, and guns never, ever, ever killed people, just bad guys getting killed by good people, oh my god, I would never stop blowing up bad guys.

You know, the NRA always blames these violent massacres on violent video games, but the world they are describing is a video game. They are specifically describing Max Payne, a world where the hero is always armed with exactly the right weapons for the situation, always with guns in hand so they can react at a moment's notice, and can then slow down time, leaping through the air in a violent ballet of bullets flying through the air, the cursor always aimed at the face, stomach, and genitals of bad people, where they can have bullet after bullet pumped into them. And when you accidentally shoot a friend they say "Hey! Watch your fire!" and move out of the way.

Guns never, ever, ever kill people. Not even on accident. Only bad guys with guns kill people. But if all good guys had guns then it only makes sense that the only people who would die by guns would be bad people with guns who get killed by good people who also have more powerful guns and are more aware and better at guns.

Ever vigilant, ever armed, and you can tell he's a bad guy because otherwise you wouldn't be allowed to shoot him, and nobody ever gets harmed by good guys with guns unless they are bad.

with love from CRS @ 2:37 PM 


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