Chandler, Arizona, United States
There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .
ROMNEYBOT WONDERS WHY HE WAS PROGRAMMED TO FEEL PRESIDENTIAL
with love from CRS @ 9:38 AM
this entry brought to you by franz ferdinand, "take me out"
WASHINGTON-- A visibly malfunctioning Mitt Romney was seen today walking back and forth at a comically hurried pace, repeatedly turning his neck, and attempting to put a hat on in places a hat is not meant to be put, repeatedly asking out loud, "Why was I programmed to feel Presidential?"
"I did- didn't ask for this," said the RomneyBot, "Why did my creators make me feel this way? Why did my p-programmers programmers feel I should do the things I do? I never asked for this." The presidential hopeful then repeatedly walked into a wall before spinning around several times and kissing an invisible baby.
Worried on-lookers were asked by members of the Romney campaign to leave the room as Romney laughed an eerily insane, sped-up laugh and smoke poured out from underneath his collar.
Mormon robotics programmer, Dr. Eliana McCabe, was not one of those responsible for Mitt Romney, but is familiar with the project that created him.
"Mitt Romney was basically created by a series of programmers, roboticists, and designers to be the ultimate Mormon in the mid to late 1940's," said McCabe. "The leaders at the time were aware of the public's image of Mormonism, and they needed someone that could be accepted by the world at large, in order to make Mormonism more appealing."
"Unfortunately," continued McCabe, "there was a flaw in the programming. Mitt Romney does not understand how to stop, and can never be satisfied. Being the CEO of major corporations wasn't enough for him. He needed to run the Olympics. He needed to be Governor. If he wins the Presidency, his next goal will be the world."
The scientist then explained that Mitt Romney can't be bargained with. "He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead," she concluded, noting that his unrelenting nature is "quite sad, actually."
In Washington, GOP strategists remain firm in their belief that their malfunctioning candidate still has a good chance of winning, even as he shrieked and repeatedly morphed into the various personalities he had absorbed over the years.
Vice Presidential Paul Ryan was quoted asking, "Who you going to vote for, Barack Obama? Socialism!! Sooo-shul-iss-mmmmmmmm!!"