Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

this entry brought to you by jack white, "sixteen saltines"

TAMPA-- Local Black Guy Daryl Somers has announced today that, despite every attempt at wearing a different costume, he will be going to a Halloween party dressed as a pimp, yet again.

Too out of shape to go as a boxer or as Mr. T, and mistaken for a pimp even when he attempted to go to a Halloween party as The Candyman several years ago, Somers says that he was overjoyed when Barack Obama was elected President in 2008, finally giving him something different to dress as.

"That first year I was just getting sneers and smart-ass comments," says Somers of his initial Halloween outing as Barack Obama in 2009, "but in the following year people were yelling and throwing stuff at me. It was brutal. My dad bought me that suit five years ago, and it cost me 150 dollars to get all of the crap that people threw dry cleaned."

"I know this is Florida, and you don't have to vote for him if you don't want to," said Somers, "but who throws stuff at someone at a party? I'm not even actually the President!"

Unable to find an appropriate Don King wig after looking diligently, and strongly disliking wearing a mask for any length of time, Somers has given up. "I've totally run out of options, and I still have this pimp costume from '02-'05, '07, and last year, so I guess I've got to be a pimp again. It's either that or just go dressed as myself and have people ask me shitty questions like if I'm dressed like a thug or a rapper, which I love so much and never gets old. Man, white people are hilarious."

Daryl Somers will go the Halloween party tonight and come in second place for the "Best Pimp" award behind a white guy, which Somers will spend the rest of the evening being resentful about. "Why would he dress like a pimp when he can dress like literally anything?" Somers will have been heard saying.

with love from CRS @ 1:07 PM 


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