Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

Truth or Dare Always, Always Turned Out This Way

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

this entry brought to you by living color, "cult of personality"

Let me tell you what the entirety of my life was like in high school.

I'm at a co-ed sleepover. It's one o'clock in the morning, it's dark, everybody's tired, but nobody is at the point of exhaustion yet. Things are getting quite hormonal, and lusty eyes are darting across the room. Lots of anticipating giggles.

Truth or Dare comes up. It gets to be my turn. So I ask the girl I like, "Truth or dare?"

It's still early in the game, so she's being coy. "Uhmmmm... Truth," she says, fluttering her eyelashes, giggling.

"So, uhm. Cough. Are you a virgin?"

"Uhmm.. Tee-hee! No! I'm not!"

And I'm thinking, Oh shit. OOhhhhhh shit! It's on. This party just got kicked into gear. Shit just got crazy. Shit it is about to get crazier. This is a moment you literally dream about.

But now my turn is over, and I just lock eyes with her, anticipating my next turn, pretending to listen to anything anyone else is saying.

Finally, an eternity later, it gets back to me. My eyes lock with hers again, she remains coy and giggly, never breaking eye contact. Oh my god, it is on.

"So," I say. "Truth or dare?"

She giggles shyly and looks around. "Uhhmmm... Truth!"

"So, if you're not a virgin," I say with a teasing grin, "Who was your first?"

"My uncle :("

What comes out of my mouth is, "Oh my god. Oh. That's. That's so horrible. I can't believe-- wow. Is he in jail or anything?"

But inside I'm saying, "MOTHERFUCKER! Goddammit, there is a time and a place!

How would they like it if I did that to them? "Chris, Truth or dare? Who would you like to have sex with the most in this room?"

"Why Tiffany, absolutely none of you, because of emotional trauma in my youth, I'm afraid of interpersonal connections with people, and if I have sex with any of you I'm terrified I won't be able to maintain a relationship, so in order to avoid that responsibility, I will instead just comfortably friendzone myself so that I couldn't possibly have to accomplish anything in my life of a sexual nature, and will get as close to you as possible without actually having to do anything. How does that feel, Tiffanny? Yeah! Yeah! I ruined the whole fuckin' party! THAT'S how it feels!"

And then just cry into a pillow for the entirety of the rest of the night.

with love from CRS @ 1:12 PM 


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