Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Sunday, August 26, 2012

this entry brought to you by the rapture, "heaven"

PITTSBURGH-- After his air conditioner broke down this past Friday, local 65 year old retiree Darryl Seekins has been heard wondering aloud if global warming isn't a liberal conspiracy after all.

"Paw-paw didn't think anyone was listening," said granddaughter Elnora Preas, "but he had to sit down because his head was swimming from just walking from the bedroom to the couch, and he muttered to himself that this frightful heat wasn't part of the Lord's plan at all, and that it must be entirely from the evils of man."

"I didn't even want to respond, in fear that he would hear his words coming back at him and realize they weren't the insane, paranoid rants he's constantly spewing and correct himself," continued the 19 year old.

Daughter Melissa has confirmed this brief moment of logic-based clarity. Her father, she has reported, permeating the couch with sweat, turned from Fox News for the first time in weeks to settle on CNN, watching a report on the worst drought in Texas since the 1950s, and noting that the local temperature was higher than he has ever seen it in his life.

"That smug son-of-a-bitch Al Gore just might have been on to something," Seekins is reported to have said to himself, just before drinking down the entirety of a glass of iced tea.

"Dad even wondered how in the world it would be possible to dump all that CO2 into the air and not have an adverse effect," said Melissa Preas. "He got that specific. I don't think that I've been around him for five minutes since 2008 without him complaining that the Democrats are going to round us up and put us in death camps and I'd forgotten he was capable of making his own thoughts."

UPDATE: After having his air conditioner repaired and his home having returned to a comfortable temperature, Darryl Seekins has been heard asking why anyone in the "lamestream media" doesn't ask the real questions, such as why Obama won't show his college record, and how anyone can give Paul Ryan such a hard time about "this whole rape thing".

with love from CRS @ 2:37 PM 


Post a Comment