Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Sunday, August 05, 2012

this entry brought to you by wildflag, "romance"

I'm 33 years old, and I have voted in several elections. I still have no idea what a comptroller does. So with this election coming up and seeing signs around town asking for your vote for city comptroller, I decided to look it up. What I found out is fascinating.

In the early days of American History, a comptroller's duties were castrating especially stubborn oxen, sweeping shit away from the windows of pubs, and retiring prostitutes when they lost too many teeth.

If a UFC fighter is too sick for a match, the city's comptroller must be called in to replace him.

Once elected, a new comptroller must kill the previous comptroller and eat his heart. That way he or she gets the previous one's powers.

In modern days, comptrollers live in fear of being replaced by robots. Comptrolling, sex robots.

Due to a series of loopholes and technicalities in bill #V1063HZ2, introduced by Congress in 1984, in order to maintain his or her job, every comptroller has to have the ability to get to the third screen of Donkey Kong.

If a porn star is too sick to perform, the city comptroller must be called to replace him or her.

Statistically, comptrollers are more like to die from crushing than any other occupation. No one knows why.

Batman and the city comptroller have never been seen in the same room. Just sayin'.

The city comptroller must read your shitty manuscript and give you constructive feedback if you ask.

If the guitarist in a Metallica cover band can't pull off the bitchin' solo in the song "One", the city comptroller must be called in to do it.

Despite any political differences, the city comptroller is sworn to have the mayor's back when shit goes down.

Have you noticed all those comps, not being trolled? Of course you haven't. Because your city comptroller is really good at his job.

with love from CRS @ 1:49 PM 


Post a Comment