Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

The Shadow Knows Sexual Assault

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

this entry brought to you by r.e.m. "drive"

So, my beautiful. It is you and me. By now, The Shadow has fallen into my intricately designed trap, and my henchmen have dispatched of him! No one can save you! You're all mine! Mine! Muahhahahaa!

Not so fast, asshole. Your henchmen were a bunch of idiots and I totally kicked their ass.

The Shadow!! No!! How!!

With my The Shadow Nightshot Guns (tm). And my wits. Now hand over the girl, you fuckin' scumbag. You won't be defiling any beautiful ladies tonight.

--Excuse me, what?

I said there won't be any rapes tonight, you goddamn pile of shit. Unless we're talking about your's. In prison.

I can't believe you would say such a thing, The Shadow! I would never do something like that! Never in a million years! My god, is that really what you think of me, The Shadow? That I'm a rapist of women?

Well, of course I do. You've got a woman tied up there, and you're kind of standing there, looming over her, in what is is obviously a pre-rape pose. So yeah, what the hell else could you possibly be doing? How the hell am I supposed to see this and think anything but a rape is about to happen?

Oh my god! This is horrible. I'm not a rapist, The Shadow! I was just planning on standing around being creepy for like, twenty, thirty minutes. I mean, sure, I'm lascivious, guilty as charged, but a rapist?

I guess I see what happens when I assume things. I make an ass out of you and me. Ha ha ha ha! That's my little joke. Anyway, listen asshole. Rapist or not, it's totally not cool of you to creep ladies out. So you're going to have to hand her over anyway.

You know what? Just take her. Here. I can't even have fun creeping around if I know that I look like a rapist. I'm completely sick to my stomach.

Well, I'm glad we worked this out, you fuckin' scumbag. Now hand her over.

No problem. Wait, one more thing. Answer me this, The Shadow. Every single time I watched a movie-- like, a Disney movie, and the villain has the heroine tied up, and he's standing over her, maybe brushing her face with his hand, laughing kind of lasciviously, like I was just doing...

Yeah, they're going to sexually assault those girls. Why would you think otherwise?

Because it's a fucking Disney movie! My word, I'm going to vomit.

with love from CRS @ 9:33 AM 


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