Chandler, Arizona, United States
There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .
"Thank You, Mario! But Our Princess is in Another Castle!"
with love from CRS @ 7:20 PM
this entry brought to you by dva, "tatanc"
Hahaha! Good one, you adorable little-- uh-- whatever the hell you are. So let's meet this Princess! I just went through four levels of some pretty heavy-duty stuff, I can't wait to see this beautiful Princess I've heard so much about.
Sorry, Mario. You've done a good job, but our Princess is not here.
No, seriously, where is she? Is she shy?
I'm sorry. She's not in this castle.
She... Wait, but there was a-- I don't know if you noticed, but I just defeated a giant fire-breathing turtle monster, and you mean to tell me she's-- I mean, what the fuck was that all about then?
We appreciate your taking back our castle from the evil Bowser, but really, we must insist that you go on to the next castle to save our Princess. She's in grave danger, you really must hurry on.
Listen, I'm not out of line here, am I? I mean, I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm just-- listen, couldn't you at least have told me the Princess wasn't here before I jumped over a goddamn hundred pits of lava? I don't know if you knew this, but there were spinning rings of fire out there that I had to overcome, and you're telling me this-- Listen, this is bullshit. You guys have really pulled the wool over me. I feel like a fucking idiot.
We apologize for the inconvenience, really, we do, but we must insist that you go on to the next castle and look for our princess.
Sigh. For reals. This isn't a joke. I've got to go storm another castle to find the princess. I-- I mean, I guess it's not your fault, you were busy being held prisoner by Bowser, it's not as if you could've put up a warning sign saying this was the wrong castle. I guess I shouldn't shoot the messenger. God, I just, I went through a lot to get here, and I am exhausted.
Well, Mario, I do feel awful about the whole thing, about this whole misunderstanding. Tell you what. Why don't you rest up here. Get some sleep. I'll cook you a good meal. Rest. Tomorrow will be a new day, and you can have a clear head and a rejuvenated spirit to continue your mission.
Thanks. Yeah, that actually sounds pretty good. I could use a little rest before I head out and save the world again. I really appreciate it.
SIX MONTHS LATER.
Mario, when the hell are you going to learn? Toilet seat goes down. It's not that fucking difficult. Does it belong up? No, it does not, because that's when people other than Mario fall in! The world does not revolve around you, and maybe you could be considerate of others for once in your goddamn life
How the fuck is it my fault that you have to sit down to pee? If you had sex organs you would know that men pick up the toilet seat so they don't splash everywhere, and maybe if you thought about that, maybe you would know to just fucking look to see if the toilet seat is up or down when you pee.
Here we go again! You act as if me being sexless is a big fucking deal just to use as ammo when we're fighting, but at night, Mario doesn't care if I'm neither male nor female, Mario only loves me for who I am. I'm done with the mind games, and I don't care, frankly. Whatever. All I know is if I wake up in the middle of the night because I've got to piss and I fall in that fucking toilet one more goddamn time, I swear to god--
You swear to God what, Toad? You swear to God what? You're gonna bitch some more? Fucking have at it! See if I will be able to tell at all!
--Maybe I won't bitch at all, but I certainly know who won't be getting a hot breakfast every morning, then we'll see how unimportant the fucking toilet is.
Now you're threatening to not cook breakfast? I am out there every goddamn morning stomping turtles, working my ass off-- You sit there and act like I'm the one that is inconsiderate, but the reality is I am out there every day. Every single day. You don't know what it's like out there! I got fucking Koopas! Koopa Para-troopahs! I've got fucking Bullet Bills to deal with! And do you even have any clue what a Lakitu is, and what he throws at me non fucking stop when he sees me? Huh? Do you think about that at all when you're sitting around the goddamn castle watching your fucking reality tv cooking shows and eating goddamn bon-bons? Huh? And now you think it's fine to just threaten not making me a meal because I fucking left the toilet seat up one time? What the fuck else do you do around here?
I'll tell you what I do, I put up with your bullshit all goddamn day! It's a full time job, Mario! It's a full time job!
You know what? FINE! FIIIIIIIINE. I'll go look for this fucking Princess of yours! I'll do it! Maybe she will appreciate me!
If you'd've just gone to the next castle in the first place neither of us would have to be standing here yelling at one another, you selfish, lazy prick!
Shove it up your ass, Toad!