Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

Mormons Need to Own That Shit

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

this entry brought to you by nine inch nails, "the becoming"

Have you ever noticed that Mormons are often hyper sensitive to their religion? I don't mean all of them, but it seems to me that they're often reticent to even admit their religion to outsiders, and the more specific a question about their religion, the more likely they are to be dodgy about it, if not outright deny it-- I'm sure you've asked someone about the magic underwear thing, and there's a good chance they pretended they had no idea what you were talking about.

Let me give you two very specific examples that happened at work recently.

I asked one of the managers what kind of music he listens to. "Uhm, I listen to a lot of things. Some rock. Some country. I would say probably more rock than country."

"So you're a little more Donny than Marie?"

There was a beat. "Are you making fun of me?" he asked, innocently.

"You just admitted you were a little more rock n' roll than country. Where am I supposed to go with that?" I replied.

He kind of blushed and said "Oh my gosh, you're right. You know, you're really funny." And, just today: A girl I know was walking behind me merrily singing "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuck, fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck..."

"For a Mormon, that's a whole lot of swears," I said teasingly.

She stopped, and there was a beat. "I'm not Mormon," she said. "I'm LDS."

"Oh?" I asked. I didn't mean to offend her, but it's not as if this sort of Mormon denial was completely unheard of. "May I ask what the difference is?"

"Mormons are hardcore polygamists, and I am not that. And very few here in Arizona are. We are L-D-S. Latter Day Saints."

Mmhmm. Listen, I am aware that the actual name of the church is "The Church of Latter Day Saints". But please don't act like we made up the word "Mormon" and use it like the n-word.

I asked a friend, an ex-Mormon, why they tend to act like this.

"Well, they are aware what people think of them, and they don't want to be judged," she said.

Do you know who else knows what you think of them, yet doesn't give a shit if you judge? Catholics. They know you think they worship the pope, and they know you think they look the other way when it comes to child rape. They know you know everything about their sexual habits and methods, they know you think it's fucking weird, but they still own that shit. They wear gigantic jewelry around their neck that says "I'm a Catholic!" And I don't just mean a cross, they have their own special cross, and even if it's a normal cross, they have to make sure it isn't just a cross, it's got one with Jesus impaled on the fucking thing, crying. They drive around with decals on their cars that say "I'm a Catholic!" Dude, once a year they walk around with ash smeared on their forehead like fucking weirdos, and they don't give a shit. And another thing, when you ask them questions about their weirdo religion and customs like, "Hey, what's up with the Pope? You don't believe in that for reals, do you?" they will happily answer your question.

You know who else owns that shit? Orthodox Jews! You can spot 'em from 50 feet away! They wear those silly little skull caps, and sometimes, they have novelty designs on them. They give so little of a shit about what you think about them being Jews, they don't mind having silly designs on their head. And Jews have have some of the most destructive prejudices of all! And this does nothing to mention of Hasidic Jews, who have their own costume! And that costume is fucking ridiculous, and they wear it even in the most ridiculously inappropriate weather! Can you imagine a Hasidic Jews saying "I am not a Jew. I'm a SOA-- Son Of Abraham"? No, you cannot, because that would be fucking weird.

Muslims! They make their women wear the Hajib at best, the men have gigantic scraggly beards and wear turbans, and no matter what, they stop to prey to mecca five times a day! Five fucking times! That is some weird shit, and they know that you think they will blow you up! Yet they could give two shits!

Hey, Mormons. Own that shit. Yes, we all laugh behind your back and will ask ridiculous questions; we laugh at everybody else and ask ridiculous questions. For god's sakes, I'm an out atheist, and I'm aware you think I will burn in hell, and happily endure such idiotic questions as "If there's no God, then how come it's printed on our money?" and think you're proving me a hypocrite when you point out that I celebrate Christmas and say "God bless you" after someone sneezes.

with love from CRS @ 12:23 PM 


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