Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Sunday, July 22, 2012

this entry brought to you by nine inch nails, "discipline"

I always thought the letters in Penthouse Forum were fake, but I can't believe this happened to me.

So there I was, a rookie on the force. My first beat? Traffic on the upper east side, the night shift. I hated the idea. A bunch of rich assholes and not a thing to do. I didn't join the police department to pamper rich assholes. I joined the police force to make a difference. Give me the ghettos, give me the barrios, give me the junkie towns. I want to help these people, I want to keep the ignored people safe. But what can you do?

Two weeks into my beat I'm driving-- I won't say where. But I'm driving and I see a brown Honda Civic, and it's swerving radically. I pull along side her and flash my lights, and I can see the woman inside frantically waving at me. Oh shit, I think. This lady isn't drunk, she needs my help. So she pulls into a dark parking lot and swerves around a bit, and finally comes to a stop.

I come out of the car in a hurry and right as I reach the window to ask "Are you alright ma'am?", the door has opened and I see that she's gorgeous, she's blonde, and she's naked.

"Oh, I'm alright, now officer," she said coyly. I was staggered. Unsure what to say, I blurted out to see her license and registration.

"I wasn't doing anything illegal was I? I wasn't speeding. But something is definitely wrong, I think I'm low on drive shaft fluid. It was making me swerve all over the road. Do you think you can help?"


Needless to say, this whole thing blew my mind, no pun intended. It was fantastic, and yet, I'd broken the law. I felt like a bad cop. But I also had the hugest rush I'd ever had in my life. I simultaneously wanted to erase the past fifteen minutes of my life, and yet I wanted desperately to see her again the next day.

When I got back to the station I was hesitant, but I had to get my conscience free. I told a guy I'd been partnered with during training, a great guy, a guy I trusted. I told him with a whisper, to make sure no one else could here.

My buddy burst into loud laughter and yelled to another cop, "Hey! The rookie just had a meeting with Suzy Sucks-A-Lot!"

The other cop laughed out loud, and before I knew it, half the station was doubled over in laughter. Turns out Suzy Sucks-A-Lot loves sucking off cops and about once a month does her swerving car routine and gets an officer, and this month, it was the rookie who got lucky.

Anyway, now I have Avian Bird Herpes and I ooze puss out of both of my southern orifices.

Diaperclad Flatfoot

with love from CRS @ 1:42 PM 


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