CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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DEAR PENTHOUSE FORUM

Sunday, July 22, 2012

this entry brought to you by nine inch nails, "discipline"


I always thought the letters in Penthouse Forum were fake, but I can't believe this happened to me.

So there I was, a rookie on the force. My first beat? Traffic on the upper east side, the night shift. I hated the idea. A bunch of rich assholes and not a thing to do. I didn't join the police department to pamper rich assholes. I joined the police force to make a difference. Give me the ghettos, give me the barrios, give me the junkie towns. I want to help these people, I want to keep the ignored people safe. But what can you do?

Two weeks into my beat I'm driving-- I won't say where. But I'm driving and I see a brown Honda Civic, and it's swerving radically. I pull along side her and flash my lights, and I can see the woman inside frantically waving at me. Oh shit, I think. This lady isn't drunk, she needs my help. So she pulls into a dark parking lot and swerves around a bit, and finally comes to a stop.

I come out of the car in a hurry and right as I reach the window to ask "Are you alright ma'am?", the door has opened and I see that she's gorgeous, she's blonde, and she's naked.

"Oh, I'm alright, now officer," she said coyly. I was staggered. Unsure what to say, I blurted out to see her license and registration.

"I wasn't doing anything illegal was I? I wasn't speeding. But something is definitely wrong, I think I'm low on drive shaft fluid. It was making me swerve all over the road. Do you think you can help?"

[CONTENT DELETED]

Needless to say, this whole thing blew my mind, no pun intended. It was fantastic, and yet, I'd broken the law. I felt like a bad cop. But I also had the hugest rush I'd ever had in my life. I simultaneously wanted to erase the past fifteen minutes of my life, and yet I wanted desperately to see her again the next day.

When I got back to the station I was hesitant, but I had to get my conscience free. I told a guy I'd been partnered with during training, a great guy, a guy I trusted. I told him with a whisper, to make sure no one else could here.

My buddy burst into loud laughter and yelled to another cop, "Hey! The rookie just had a meeting with Suzy Sucks-A-Lot!"

The other cop laughed out loud, and before I knew it, half the station was doubled over in laughter. Turns out Suzy Sucks-A-Lot loves sucking off cops and about once a month does her swerving car routine and gets an officer, and this month, it was the rookie who got lucky.

Anyway, now I have Avian Bird Herpes and I ooze puss out of both of my southern orifices.

--Signed,
Diaperclad Flatfoot
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with love from CRS @ 1:42 PM 

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