CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
144,000 IN ISRAEL RAPTURED, JUST LIKE BIBLE SAYS

Sunday, June 05, 2011

this entry brought to you by marnie stern, "shea stadium"



Lord, I have believed in you ever since I was old enough to believe, I’ve had faith in every moment, even in the hardest ones, and even though I felt in my heart that this past May 21st that you would return, you have not. Still, my resolve has not been shaken. I believe you will return one day.


Hey! Sorry I was late for this prayer, real hectic time for me right now, it's been a sort of non-stop party, but guess what? The party just took a moment's break, so I got literally one moment to give you, then I need to get back to the goings ons and what nots. You understand. What’s up?


Lord! I am so sorry to bother you-- I, I did not expect such a direct response. This is-- this is quite amazing, truly I am humbled.


Like I say, I got a moment. And what am I, too important to not give a moment when I have one? I always try to answer somebody if I get a chance, it would just be rude not to.


I was just saying that although two weeks ago was not the promised rapture, I would still be here for when you return, and that I will always be faithful.


Hey thanks for the support there guy, but I’ve returned and left, just like was promised, last May 21st. Didn’t you see those billboards? They were all over the place. And I mean, even if you didn't see it on billboards, you couldn't have missed it all over the news. It was a pretty big deal, my return. Made quite a splash! Even a few atheists gave it a sort of "Hey, maybe it could happen--" And if you do that, you do your job well, you know? I was real happy with the outcome.


You’ve returned--? But... Lord, I am sorry to say, but I don’t understand.


Yup, came back for my people, made them disappear up to Heaven, like was promised. Whole thing went rather smoothly if I do say so. Not a single hitch. Which I mean, considering the sheer amount of people that needed to be accounted for, a lot of things could have gone wrong, and I am pleased to say nothing did.


...But, I don’t understand. If you came back and raptured, then why has nobody gone?


Nobody? Well let me just take a look around-- no wait, I don't have to, there were no clerical errors, as I already said. Everybody is here and accounted for. Did you take into consideration that nobody you know is on the list? Have you seen the list? Then why would you presume you or anyone you know would be on it? So presumptive! It's cute, frankly, but I don't want to sound condescending.


….But Lord, all the Christians, the Bible says all of your people will be raptured away, the Book of Revelations--


Yes, 144,000 Jews, just like it said. You're not one of the Chosen People. You’re not even in Israel! Why in the world would you be on the list? You people have such nerve.


But the news, I checked every single day, nobody went missing--


Well, I'm sure glad you know so many people that there's no way nobody at all on the whole planet is missing, but we are rolling up in this party about 144,000 people deep, and the fire marshal says that we can't add a single person more, so who was on the list are the only people here. But I think it's really great that you think you should be here with everyone. I appreciate the support!


But the Jews, my Lord-- they’re responsible for your death!


--And here we go. You people talk like that all day and then have no clue why you didn’t get raptured on May 21st like they did. Why in the world would I blame the Jews for-- I mean, I’m a rabbi, why would I-- Oi vey. Listen, it’s been great chatting with you and all, but I’ve got to get going. People are just dying to talk to me and I've been gone from the happenings long enough. See you in five months!


But Lord, I still am confused--


I said see you in five months. Enjoy your reality TV and fucking Transformers 3, or as we say up in Heaven, hell on Earth. Wear your shorts, it's going to get hot.
------



with love from CRS @ 11:16 AM 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment