CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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"Seriously, Whole Foods Employee, What the Fuck Is This Shit?"

Saturday, May 07, 2011

this entry brought to you by lykke li, "i'm good, i'm gone"


I hate going into Whole Foods or Farmer's Markets or what have you, because like most people, I have been going to regular grocery stores my whole life, and when I walk into one of these places I have no idea what brands are good. Let me give you an example: Peanut Butter. When I walk into a grocery store, I know what Jif is going to taste like, and that it will taste acceptable. But when I walk into one of these places, not only is every brand of peanut butter more expensive than Jif, making the risk less palatable, none of them sound appealing at all. They have names like Jim Burkilbottoms' Organic Peanut Salve and Hurley Jacktower's All Natural Nutty Paste Solution. And yes, I'm sure any of them is probably healthier than that bottle of Jif's, but they also have labels that appear to be hand drawn, and I don't know if I'm buying a "product" of somebody who's actually making something of good quality or somebody selling stuff out of the back of his tub that's been laced with asbestos.

What they really need at these high-end grocery stores is somebody at the entrance who is basically a tour guide who can point you to harmless equivalents of things you're used to if you're a first timer. I'm sure you could just go up and ask somebody what peanut butter they recommend if you wanted, but I'm also sure by the fifth or sixth "Seriously, what the fuck is this?" they'll start to say, "Listen, I have other things to do than follow you around all day." Which is why we need somebody whose job it is entirely to say "Oh, you buy Jif? Then the qualities of peanut butter you're looking for will be found in Bobby Jack-Jacks Creamy Peanut Slurry. And if you find that you like that, you might want to graduate to Farmer Glibjarb's Peanut Cream Spread Substitute."
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with love from CRS @ 4:41 PM 

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